Deadpool's Apprentice
by Ultimate Hybrid
Summary: After a girl has been injected with the Green Goblin serum, she is rescued by Deadpool and forced to become his apprentice. This should be interesting... OC/Deadpool and some other Marvel characters! Rated T for fighting and Deadpool, but mostly Deadpool.
1. Intros and Chinese Food

**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, the Goblin serum, Deadpool, Wolverine, or Chinese restaurants. (But if I did I would be sooo rich right now!)  
What I do own: Sophia Dyhar, the voice in Sophia's head, the creepy counter, the creepy man behind the counter, ten bucks, and my imagination. So don't try and steal any of them, or I will sic Deadpool on you!**

**A/N: This story takes place after the events in my other story 'Shut Up Already!' but it is written in such a way that you should be able to understand it without some explaining. Enjoy!**

* * *

Deadpool's Apprentice

Chapter 1: Intros and Chinese Food

Deadpool stared at the girl lying, facedown, on his couch. She had been unconscious for three hours now, having been injected with the same serum that turned Norman Osborn into the Green Goblin. She stirred, flipping herself onto her back. Wade Wilson moved over to the girl, and kneeled next to her. He listened for her heartbeat, counting it and keeping time for a minute. Her heartbeat was extremely erratic, speeding up then slowing down until you could barely notice it was there, then speeding back up again. The girl's eyelids fluttered open, revealing her gorgeous emerald green eyes. She stared at the man in a red and black costume in front of her.

"Who are you? Where am I?" the girl asked in a panicked voice. She was about 17, and on a couch in a strange man's apartment. Not a good combination.

Deadpool chuckled softly, "Who am I? Why I'm the one and only Deadpool, the person who saved your life! But you can call me Wade Wilson, if you prefer. As for where you are," he motioned around him, "You're in my lovely apartment! Isn't it wonderful?"

The girl looked around her slowly, taking in all the little details about the apartment. She noticed that Deadpool didn't own a toaster, and that he had a really small TV. She stared at the tiny TV, gazing at the news that a building, which looked suspiciously like her old base, had been blown up.

"Now it's my turn to ask the questions. Let's start with a simple one: What's your name?" He kneeled closer to the girl to hear her answer.

"My name is Sophia Dyhar." The girl answered softly.

* * *

**Sophia's Point Of View**

The man who called himself Deadpool nodded once I answered. He backed away a little when he heard how loud I could talk. Which was good for me, because he smelled funny. Sort of like a mix between pickles and peanut butter, this is not a good combination, if you ask me.

_I kind of like it. It gives him character._

What was that? I didn't used to have a voice in my head. What happened to me?

_Osborn poked you with the Goblin serum, don't you remember? _

Oh yeah, then I fainted and somehow got out of the building before it exploded.

_Ah, now you remember. You had better pay attention, Wade is about to ask you a question._

"So, Sophia. I'm gonna need to know everything about you, if you're going to become my apprentice. You may begin, now." Wade said with a grin on his face. Well not on his face exactly, since he was wearing a mask. But you get the idea.

Wait a minute; did he just say I was going to become his apprentice?

_Why yes, I believe he did. You should take him up on that offer, or he may decide to kill you. _

Kill me? Why would he do that?

_He's a mercenary. Did you not notice the various weapons on his belt and the katanas on his back? I suggest you start talking to him soon, or he'll get suspicious._

Good idea. "I have no living family; they were killed in a terrible car crash that I wasn't in. My mother was an only child and so was my father. My grandparents died when I was five years old. I was put in various households, but none of them liked me. Mostly because I usually got home around midnight on early nights. I grew depressed, and dropped out of high school. I enrolled in AIM, because I had nowhere else to go. Norman Osborn hit me with that needle, then I passed out and you know the rest." I told him without showing any emotions.

"Hmm…very interesting. Reminds me of myself, except I went to the military, and then Weapon X, and Norman Osborn didn't hit me with any needles. That I know of, anyway. What are your special skills, Sophia?" He went to the kitchen and picked up a clipboard and a pair of reading glasses off the counter. Then he pulled up a chair next to me, put the glasses on, and crossed his legs once he was sitting. I tried to stifle the impulse to giggle. He looked ridiculous! Like an interviewer for a teaching job!

_Get a hold of yourself, Dyhar! Tell him everything you can do, before he gets too impatient._

Skills? Like what?

_Like how you can hot wire cars and stuff like that! Hurry up, we haven't got all day!_

"Well Mr. Deadpool, sir. I can hot wire cars and other vehicles." Deadpool nodded, motioning for me to continue. "I have experience with various weapons. Um, I can pick locks and stuff. Is that okay?"

"It's enough for me to accept you as an apprentice. Don't worry; I'll help you build up on your skills, especially with the weapons part. Since you've been injected with Gobby's serum, you will probably develop superhuman strength and speed! Isn't that great? Well, we had better get started! We have a long day ahead of us!" He picked himself up off the chair and threw it across the room.

"Why are you just sitting there? We need to go! I made an appointment with the tailor in ten minutes! Get off your butt!" he practically yelled at me. I tried to move my feet, but to no avail. They wouldn't budge.

"Uh, sir? I think my legs are numb." I reported to him.

He kicked me in the legs, which _hurt_, and asked, "Did you feel that?" I nodded, clutching my knees to my chest. "That means your legs aren't numb. We'll never make it in time. Here, hold onto me." He held his hand out to me. I grabbed onto it slowly. This guy was a nut case that's for sure. How is he going to get us to the tailor's in like, eight minutes?

_He has his ways. Don't doubt anything he says. Just trust him._

Trust him? How can I trust a psychopath who kicks me? Which still hurts by the way.

_The same way you trust me, the voice inside your head. You just do._

But that's crazy!

_Then why are you still talking to me?_

Good point.

Anyway, back to the real action. Deadpool latched on firmly to my hand, making sure to get a good grip, while the other hand went to the large button on his chest. He pressed it. Almost immediately we were enveloped in a cloud of red dust. I then had a sudden coughing fit. Deadpool looked down at me, then back at the dust. Once it had settled, I realized we were standing in the middle of a tailor shop. A scruffy little old man stood in the center of the room, staring at us. I looked down and realized I was still wearing my black jumpsuit, and that it was now covered in red dust. For some weird reason, I decided to sniff my sleeve. Ewwwww, it smells like pickles and peanut butter!

_Now you have character too._

Would you just be quiet?

_That's like telling yourself to shut up._

Ugh, fine. Do whatever you like. What should I call you anyways?

_You should call me whatever Deadpool decides to name you._

Name me? What do you mean?

_You'll find out soon enough._

Deadpool went over to the little old man and asked him a question. The man pointed to the back of the room, still staring at me. Then I realized I was still on the floor, so I got up and followed Deadpool to the back of the room.

He led me through a series of short and long hallways until we reached a room filled with fabric. And I mean filled with it! There was so much fabric, there was barely enough room to walk. The fabric was in all the colors of the rainbow, ranging from orange to purple to green to gray.

And of course the man known as Wade Wilson wanders toward the blandest colors there: White and gray. At least the gray was a pretty shade of gray.

_Oh stop complaining! Just be glad you even get to come with him._

Why should I be?

_Just shut up and listen to him_.

Jeez, someone's a little cranky today.

Deadpool picked up three different materials; one gray, one white, and one dark gray. He handed me all of them to hold. Whoa, I didn't know that fabric could be this heavy.

"Uh, sir? Why are we here? I thought we were supposed to meet a tailor."

"We are. Didn't you see the creepy little old man in front? That's our tailor." He smiled and led me out of the room and back towards where we had come. The creepy old man in question was standing behind a counter that wasn't there before. I shot a questioning look at Wade, who just shrugged. We walked over to the counter-I-swear-wasn't-there-before and handed the materials to the creepy little man.

"Would you like paper or plastic?" the man asked in a scary voice.

"Neither. We brought our own bag," Deadpool pulled out a cloth bag from one of his many pockets. That made no sense to me. How does a bag like that even fit in a pocket?

_It just does. You don't question Deadpool. He's the best he is at what he does._

Wait a minute, I thought that was Wolverine!

_It is, but Deadpool is really good at putting things in his pockets._

That doesn't even make any sense!

_It doesn't have to._

Whatever.

"You're total comes to 700 dollars. I will accept cash only for your convenience." The man behind the weird counter said, holding out his hands.

700 dollars in cash? How does he expect anyone to pay that?

_Maybe he has billionaires shopping here._

Maybe.

"If you think I'm going to pay that, then you're even crazier than me!" Deadpool announced.

"Well if you won't pay it, then I won't sew it," the creepy man declared.

"Fine then, I'll sew it myself!" Deadpool yelled at the man, then led me out of the store.

"You can sew?" I asked him once we were out on the street. I really had no idea if that was a bluff or the truth; Deadpool was hard to understand.

"Yes, I can. Because I am awesome like that."

I laughed at his response, then grew serious again. "Why did you learn?" This seemed like a logical question to me, but it got me an odd look from Mr. Wilson.

"Does there really have to be a reason to learn how to sew?" he asked as we passed a Chinese restaurant. "Hey, that reminds me. I'm still hungry! You in the mood for Chinese?" he searched his pockets for money, coming up with ten bucks.

My stomach growled at the mere mention of food. I nodded then led him inside to the waiting area. We stood, side by side, which made me realize just how tall he was. I was almost as tall as his shoulder, so he towered over me. We stood for ten minutes until a waiter nervously led us to a table. Seating a man in a red and black costume practically covered in weapons and red powder that smelled like pickles and peanut butter can do that to a guy.

* * *

After we ate dinner, Wade handed the waitress his number on a napkin along with the ten dollar bill, while at the same time grabbing me and teleporting us back to his apartment. When we arrived, I found myself wondering why I was still traveling with him and not trying to escape.

_Easy; you have nowhere else to go. _

Thank you, crazy self. Goodnight.

"Goodnight Mr. Wilson," I said out loud.

"Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the Weasels bite!" he replied cheerfully.

What in the world does that mean?

_It's best not to worry about that right now. Goodnight Sophia._

After those few words, I drifted off into blissful sleep.


	2. For Your InConvenience

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Marvel's, but I do own Sophia and her voice. So don't steal them! If you do I'll send Sophia's voice to do something very unpleasant to you. Ler's just leave it at that.**

**A/N: Finally! The second part of my epic tale! I know it's been awhile, but I still haven't decided on Sophia's name yet, so you still have time to submit your entry! Oh, and this chapter was thought up at random. Thank you spazzy pills!**

* * *

**Chapter 2: For Your (In)Convenience**

I awoke the next morning to Deadpool sitting in the middle of the floor, sewing. And I thought he was kidding! He was sitting next to two carefully folded, white and gray costumes. He looked up when I started giggling at him.

"Finally! You're awake!" he shouted at me. I winced from the loud noise. At least it was better than the voice in my head.

_Are you talking about me behind my back? Talk about no trust._

I spoke too soon.

_What's the matter? Don't you like me?_

Um, well of course I do! Just not as much as some other people.

_You better like me, cause if you don't that means you've got very low self-esteem. That's bad for a girl your age._

I sighed mentally, then turned to face Deadpool, who was looking at me oddly. I smiled at him, he smiled back, then continued to sew. I still think that's funny. I jumped off the couch stiffly and stretched like a cat, arching my back and stretching my arms. I moved towards the kitchen in a zombie-like manner.

"So, what's on the agenda for today, Mr. Wilson?" I asked him as politely as I could while managing to find a bowl for some cereal. I searched through the pantry for the actual cereal, coming up with a choice between Trix and Fruity Pebbles. I chose the Trix.

"Well first off, you are going to put on this fancy costume I sewed for you," he picked up one of the already finished costumes from the pile sitting next to him. "Don't let the Trix rabbit have any of your cereal!" he said when he noticed what I was having for breakfast. I nodded at him then smiled again. He continued on with his list, "Then we're going to have some real fun with grenades! Oh, and timed explosives!" he grinned to no one in particular.

"Sounds good. Say, do you have any bread to make toast? I'm really hungry."

"Well I have bread, but you can't make toast with it," he answered vaguely.

"Why not?"

"A girl named Laura Kinney threw my toaster out the window."

"Oh… Why did she throw the toaster out the window?"

"Because the fridge was too heavy," he said while still staring at his handiwork.

So that's why he doesn't own a toaster.

_Yeah, a girl threw it out the window._

He just said that!

_I'm repeating it to make sure you understand. Did you know that a teenager needs to hear something thirty-five times in order to actually remember it?_

Wow. Really?

_Yeah. Do I need to repeat that thirty-four more times, or are you good?_

I'm good thanks.

_You're welcome!_

What's got you in such a good mood? This cereal is good. Nice and fruity.

_It could be a lot of things. Like that cereal, or the fact that we get to use explosives today!_

Sounds like fun. I really want some toast.

_So go make some._

How? He doesn't own a toaster, remember?

_Throw some bread in the oven._

But it might catch on fire!

_A small price to pay for the wonder that is toast._

True. Plus he's got to own a fire extinguisher, right?

_Him? No._

What?! No fire extinguisher?!

_That's what I said, isn't it? Or did you forget?_

I didn't forget! I'm in shock here!

_Why? _

Because! What would happen if there was a fire?!

_He'd spit on it._

Ew.

_That's right._

Do you know where a napkin is?

_Deadpool doesn't own any napkins. Napkins are for girly-men, like Spider-Man._

Don't make fun of him! He's a nice guy!

_It's true though. You're thinking it. I'm part of your subconscious, so you can't hide anything from me._

I thought you were the Green Goblin serum.

_Well that's true. I'm 80% serum, and 20% subconscious. Does that clear things up?_

Not really.

_Oh, well that's all I got. So you'll just have to deal._

Um, okay.

"Is that cereal any good? It's been in my cabinet for quite awhile now." Deadpool stated.

I spit the cereal out of my mouth, spraying it all over the table. "What?!"

"I haven't eaten cereal in forever, so I was just wondering," he said as he glanced at the mess I had created.

"You need to clean that up. We have company coming later, after we play with the grenades," he frowned at me, then grinned at the thought of explosives.

"Um, okay. Do you have any cleaning supplies?" I looked at the mess of pre-chewed cereal and milk.

"Who do you think I am? Spider-Man? I don't own cleaning supplies," he informed me.

I sighed. Somehow I knew this was coming. "Okay then, I'll just run to the convenience store and buy some. Do you need anything else?" I asked him, searching the counter for a pen to write what I guessed was going to be a very long list. I was right.

"Yes; I'll need three more boxes of Trix, seventeen gallons of vinegar, six boxes of baking soda, a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, some bandaids- I prefer the Hello Kitty ones to Spider-Man or Wolverine, five rolls of duct tape, a few bottles of Tylenol, a few boxes of Advil, two tubs of 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter'- I get that kind even though it's not really butter, some Pillsbury Crescent Dinner Rolls, um, am I forgetting anything?" he paused and glanced at me. "Oh yeah, I need some more Oreos too." He tossed me a silver colored credit card, which looked oddly expensive, for him.

"Why are you giving me your credit card?" I asked without looking at the name on the card, or the brand for that matter.

"It's not my credit card, its Tony Stark's. So don't feel bad when you end up spending way more than you wanted too; Tony's a billionaire. Now go, spend his money!" he said, shooing me out of the apartment.

"But I thought we were going to go blow things up," I used my best whining voice to sway him back to the dark, and explosive, side. Come join us; we have cookies!

_Don't tempt the audience; they're crazy enough without your messed up cookies._

Huh, I guess that's true…

"That was before you offered to go to the convenience store," he said as he shut the door in my face.

Darn, I was really hoping he'd come with me.

_Don't worry, you have me._

You don't count if you're part of my subconscious.

_Well I'm all you got, so you're stuck with me._

I suppose we should be getting to the store now.

_Yes, I suppose we should. Oh, but we don't need the audience to watch us the entire way; they get to skip ahead, to when we're buying things to get revenge on Deadpool._

What?

_Oh never mind._

* * *

Thirty minutes later, after I had picked out everything on Deadpool's list, I picked out some things for myself. Tony won't miss a few thousand dollars missing from his bank account; after all, he is a billionaire. I looked carefully at the different types of curling irons; 2" to 5", ionized to nonfluffing. I finally decided on a hot pink one, with thirty different heat settings, for optimum curl. Take that Deadpool! This iron will teach him not to make me shop alone with a credit card that has Tony Stark's name on it! Oh wait… I'm alone with a limitless credit card. Time to shop!

_Finally! Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to think that? Pretty long._

Hmm… I thought you left when I was picking out the Band-Aids.

_Too bad, cause you can't get rid of me._

What if I go to a doctor and tell him I've got voices in my head?

_He'll think you're crazy, then throw you in an asylum with all those other crazy freaks._

Hmm, I don't think I want that. Which eye-shadow do you like better; lavender or red?

_Ooh the red, definitely the red. And no, you don't want to go to an asylum, they aren't as much fun as they might seem at first._

How would you know? Ooh, that's a pretty shade of Charcoal. I wonder if it comes in a shade lighter…

_Check a little to your right. Yes, that's the one. _

Ooh, pretty. Are we supposed to be somewhere?

_Only Deadpool's. But this is much more important._

Maybe, but I think we should get going. He could be worried about me.

_Deadpool? Worried about you? Now that's funny!_

Whatever. I'm leaving with my merchandise.

_Head to register 12. There's no line._

Okay.

I pushed my somehow-extremely-light cart over to register five, almost knocking over an old lady on the way there. "Sorry!" I called back to her. She was shaking her fist at me and mumbling something about how teenagers can't be trusted with a shopping cart. Oh well. You can't win them all.

_Unless you're Deadpool._

Hmm, I guess that's true.

I put all my items on the little conveyor belt thing, and waited for the cashier to ring them all up. She scanned the box of Band-Aids, then again when it didn't show up on the computer. "Price check on item 566294011835396," she said in a gravelly voice. Somehow that reminded me of Mr. Wilson's voice. And how it sounded like charcoal, if charcoal could have a sound.

"You can swipe your card now," she said in the same voice. I obliged, swiping the silver card on the little card-swiper. She nodded at me, which meant I could go. At least that's what I thought it meant. But for all I know it could've meant that she was going to hunt me down later, or that she was impressed that I could push the gigantic cart all by myself, or that she knew who I was and was going to hunt me down. Wait, I think I already said that. Oh well, you can't be too careful.

_Yes you can. That's why all those people are locked up in the asylum. Because they thought someone was going to take over the world, so they decided to beat them to it._

Yeah, but _I'm _not going to try and take over the world. How am I going to get these back to Wade's apartment?

_Hey! Don't use italics, that's MY thing! And I have absolutely no idea on how to get those home._

Darn, now I have to do work.

_Yes, now hurry up! We haven't got all day you know!_

Weren't you the one who wanted to stay in the make-up aisle?

_That's beside the point. The point is that it's cold out here!_

Feels fine to me.

_That's because I'm shielding you from the cold. Here how nice is it now?_

Oh my god! That's cold! Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold! Shield me again! Please!

_There you go. Now get us back to Wade's apartment! Hurry!_

_

* * *

_

**Ooh, don't you just love voices in your head? I know I do. Hah, just kidding. Or am I? dun dun duuuuunnnn! Review if you have any ideas for Sophia's 'Anti-Hero' name. I call it that because she is Deadpool's Apprentice, and he is an Anti-Hero, so she shall be too!!! Yay! Thank you Anonymous, Captain Deadpool, metaulvr and Super_Squeak19 for your entries! They are much appreciated! I think that's all, for now anyways. REVIEW!**


	3. Of Hobos and Elevators

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Marvel's... Still... I know, sad right? But I still own Sophia and her weird inner voice! :)**

**A/N: I like the names submitted by Zarsthor. Jacknife and Alterego. I like them! Thank you Zarsthor! But sadly Sophia doesn't get her name until next chapter... Sorry! :)**

* * *

Chapter 3: Of Hobos and Elevators

I glanced at the man who had handed me his tattered old jacket. He looked dirty, and his fingernails were painted black. He smiled at me, and I stared back at him. He looked like a hobo, all dirty and unshaven. He had a beard which was long and tangled, with bits of food in it. Ew. I smiled back with an emotion between uncertain and disgusted.

"Um, thanks sir. But I'm not that cold. Now if you'll excuse me," I said to him as an excuse. I really was cold, just not cold enough to except jackets from strangers.

_Nonsense! You're always allowed to take things from absolute strangers!_

You've got the saying wrong. You aren't supposed to talk to or accept anything from a stranger. Especially one that looks like a dirty hobo.

_Oh yeah. What have you got against dirty hobos?_

They're dirty and live on the streets. How many more reasons do you need?

_Plenty. Just because a person is dirty and lives on the street is not reason to call them a hobo._

Whatever.

"Nonsense lassie! I've got plenty more back at the shop. Would ya like to come by for some tea and scones?" the hobo-ish guy asked in both a Scottish and British accent. What a creeper.

_You can't call somebody a creeper just because they asked you over to their shop… Oh wait, it is. Never mind then._

Finally! I'm right for a change!

_Don't get used to it, bub. The subconscious is smarter than the conscious. It's a proven fact._

Isn't that interesting? Yeah, if you're so smart how do I get this hobo to leave me and my groceries alone?!?

_Easy. Leave._

Oh yeah! Why didn't I think of that?

_Because I'm smarter than-_

Guess what.

_What?_

I don't care.

_Meanie._

"Sorry sir. I'm afraid I can't go with you to your shop, seeing as you're a complete stranger and all. Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be." With that I swiftly pushed my cart out of the alley that I had somehow gotten into. Weird how going fast down a hill affects your cart driving skills. And I was doing so well!

_Until you crashed into that wall._

I'm going to ignore that.

_Yeah, good luck with that, seeing as we're the same person. How exactly do you plan on ignoring me?_

By singing annoying Christmas songs in my head. Dashing through the snow, on a one horse open sleigh. Over the-

_AHH!! Make it stop!_

-fields we go! Laughing all the way, hahaha! Bells on bobtails ring-

_I give, I give! You win! Just stop singing!_

-making, Huh? Did you say I won?

_Yes! Just stop singing!_

You didn't say the magic word.

_Please!_

That's the magic word for Saturday. Today's Tuesday.

_Hocus pocus?_

That would be Thursday's.

_Abra Cadabra?_

Sunday's.

_Ah! Just stop singing!_

That's the one!

I swerved the cart, narrowly missing an old lady trying to cross the street. She looked familiar…

_That's because it's the same lady you almost hit inside the convenience store!_

Oh.

"Sorry! Again!" I called back to her. She was giving me a dirty look. Weird old lady.

_I'm not even going to say anything._

Good, cause then I'd start singing again.

_That would be why._

I grinned to myself, literally. I sent a mental grin to my 'subconscious' along with the lyrics to 'Jingle Bells', in case she needed it.

_I dislike you._

That's low self-esteem! Gasp!

_I already said that in a different chapter._

I know.

My mad cart driving skills had gotten me all the way back to Deadpool's apartment building. The cart was piled high with stuff, but it was surprisingly light. Hmm… Weird. How am I going to get the cart all the way to the eighth floor?

_Well, first of all you need to use the door to get inside._

That would be a smart idea.

_Then I believe you can take the elevator._

Another smart idea. Where do you come up with these?

_In the secret closet in the back of your head. There are also baking recipes in there, in case of emergencies._

Why would I need baking recipes?

_In case of emergencies! Trust me; they may just save your life._

Um…Okay.

I pushed the cart through the handicap entrance. You know, the kind that opens with a push of the button? Those buttons are fun to push.

_Did the audience really need to know that?_

Yes, they absolutely did.

Anyways, I pushed the gigantic cart through the lobby, earning me a few stares from some of the tenants getting their mail. I went over to the elevator doors and waited while the mail-tenants continued to stare at me. When the elevator doors pinged and opened I watched as a few people came out and walked quickly to the entrance of the building, which also happened to be the closest exit. They kept staring at my eyes. Weird…

_I might have to tell you something._

When don't you?

_I'm going to ignore that._

I might have to start singing again.

_Ugh, never mind._

I smirked to myself. This caused the mail-tenants to scurry away as quickly as was humanly possible. Which isn't very fast, when you think about it. I bet a lion would catch them right away.

_Your mind is wandering._

Where did it go?

_Into the closet; you may never get it back._

Oh no! Can I have my mind back please?

_Only if you tell me what the real magic word for Tuesday is._

That's it? I mean, the magic word for Tuesday is Open Sesame.

_I knew it! Here's your mind back._

I felt my focus return almost instantly, and my thoughts changed from lions to how safe an elevator was when you put a cart piled high with unnecessary groceries inside of it. Yeah, not very safe.

I pushed the cart through the doors, squishing it towards the corner to make room for the scruffy looking man wearing glasses, who was also waiting to go upstairs. I squashed myself in next to my cart.

"What floor?" I asked him, while at the same time maneuvering myself to hit one of the floor buttons.

"Eighth please," he said in a small voice. He smiled nervously at me, so I smiled back at him. He blushed slightly. I pushed the floor button.

When I didn't push any other buttons, he said, "Oh, you're going to the eighth floor too? Small galaxy…"

"Um, yeah," I looked for something he was wearing for me to compliment. Because that's what nice people like me do.

_You almost hit an old lady with a shopping cart! Twice!_

I said I was sorry!

"Nice pocket protector. It looks…nice," I said. He blushed again, then stared at my eyes. Why do people keep doing that?!?

_I really should tell you something, but I think the audience would like it better if Deadpool told you._

Humph… Maybe I'll just start singing again.

_Nooooooo!!!!!!! _

"Oh, sorry. It's just that your eyes…they're glowing," the little man said.

_Darn I was really looking forward to Wade telling you._

"Huh, what? What do you mean they're glowing?"

"They are glowing green! It…kind of… looks…pretty…" the man said in awe. It was kind of freaky how he kept staring at me though.

"You think they look pretty?" I batted my eyes for show.

_Oh sure, you won't accept an invitation to go to a jacket shop, but you'll bat your eyes for a nerd? You are full of controversy, my friend._

Well then, so do you. We are the same person, as you keep reminding me.

_I don't have anything else to say._

Hmm, that's odd. You always have something to say.

"Well, of course. You are- I mean your eyes are very pretty," he said while looking down at his shoes. Just then the elevator doors pinged and opened, revealing the eighth floor hallway in all its bland glory. I turned down the right-hand side with my huge cart, moving towards Mr. Wilson's apartment. The scruffy man followed me. I looked at him using my peripheral vision; he was looking at the numbers on all the doors, and occasionally at my hair. I don't know why though; Deadpool didn't own a hairbrush, so I had decided to skip it today. It was also the reason why I had bought all those hair-care products.

I stopped at the end of the hallway and rapped on the door with my knuckles. Deadpool opened the door with the sewing needles still in his hands. He looked at the huge cart I was holding and opened the door wider, grinning when he saw his Hello Kitty Band-Aids on the top. He was about to close the door when he saw the scruffy man.

"Weasel! You're early! I haven't even made the cookies for you yet!" he grinned at the scruffy man whose name was, apparently, Weasel. I stared at him in disbelief. This was Deadpool's special guest?!?

* * *

**Yes!!!! I have done it!! I have finally introduced Wade's guest! Thank you all my loyal followers- er, I mean fans. That's what I said, fans. Not followers or anything weird like that... Come to the dark/explosive side; we have cookies! I'll give you one if you review!!! WARNING: May contain Nuts. **


	4. The Manly Scooter Ride

**Disclaimer: I only own Sophia, and her weird inner voice. The rest belong to Marvel.**

**A/N: I would like to thank all my reviewers for submitting their suggestions for Sophia's name, but Zarsthor was the ultimate winner. You are reffered to as 'Deadpool's awesome naming skills' in this chapter. Thank you everyone!**

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Chapter 4: The Manly Scooter Ride

"You are extremely early, Weasel. We weren't expecting you until 2," Deadpool said, shaking his finger back and forth.

"Um Wade? It's 2 o'clock right now," Weasel looked at his watch. "Well technically it's two o'seven."

"Oh really? Well then you are late! Bad Weasel!" Wade continued to shake his finger at Weasel. Weasel just shook his head then turned to me. He offered me his hand nervously. I gripped it firmly and he jumped back a little. "I don't believe we have formally introduced ourselves yet. I'm Jack Hammer, or Weasel. And you are?"

I opened my mouth to answer but Deadpool answered instead. "Her name is Jacknife."

Jacknife? How did he come up with that one?

_I don't know, but I like it. It sounds dangerous._

Yeah. I like it too. Jacknife.

"Oh." Jack Hammer pulled his hand away quickly. "Well it was nice seeing you Wade, but I've got to go. Bye!" Weasel rushed for the door but I ran after him and grabbed one of his arms. He squealed, then I pulled him down to the floor and sat on his back.

"Thought you could run, didn't you Weasel?" Deadpool walked over to where I was sitting on Weasel. He grinned at Weasel then motioned for me to get off his back. "Sophia you can get off him now. I think he's learned his lesson." I jumped off his back. Wade offered his hand to Weasel, who grabbed it gratefully.

Why did he try to run? And why did I go after him?

_Well maybe he was scared of Deadpool's awesome naming skills. Jack is his name you know._

Okay, that answers my first question. But why did I go after him?

_Oh, that was me. Sorry about that, but we needed to prove a point._

And what would that point be?

_That you really do have super powers._

Oh, that one.

"Well Weasel, I'm sorry about Sophia. I haven't had time to train her yet."

I snorted and blew a dangling hair out of my face. I have manners, what was he talking about?

_Um, I'm pretty sure you just proved his point._

Oops.

"It's okay Wade. I'm fine." He got up off the floor and made his way over to the chair that Wade had previously thrown across the room. "When are you going to start training?"

"We're going right now! Sophia put on your suit I sewed; we're going on a field trip." He threw one of the suits at me. I grabbed it and headed to the bathroom. As I was rounding the corner I heard Weasel say something.

"You sewed her costume?" I heard him start laughing quietly.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did," Deadpool stated smugly. There was more laughter after that. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I carefully put the costume on and it fit like a glove. I gave myself a good look in the mirror. My costume looked like Deadpool's except that white replaced red, light gray replaced black, and the dark gray belt replaced Deadpool's brown one. I looked good.

_It's nice to see that you're being modest._

I know, right?

_I was being sarcastic. _

I knew that.

_Sure you did._

I pulled the mask over my head, thus completing my costume. I unlocked the door and stepped out into the hall. I walked back into the livingroom only to find that Deadpool was showing Weasel the inside of his fridge. Which was weird. I crept over behind them quietly and tapped both of them on the shoulders at the same time. They both jumped and turned around to me. Deadpool nodded and pointed to the stitches in the side of my costume.

"See Weasel? I told you I could sew." He smiled smugly at Weasel.

Weasel put up his hands. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you." Deadpool pushed me towards the door and followed behind me. Weasel followed reluctantly behind him. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

* * *

"Come Weasel! Come Sophia! To the Deadmobile!" He lead us to a beat up red scooter with a bunch of stickers all over it. It looked like it would barely hold up Deadpool, let alone two other people. It'd probably fall apart right under us!

_Looks pretty sturdy to me._

Well you aren't the one who would get hurt if it did fall apart, anyways!

_True. Good luck!_

Thanks, that means sooo much to me.

_Hey! Watch the sarcasm!_

Whatever.

Deadpool hopped onto the scooter and patted the seat behind him. I hopped on, then Weasel got on after me. Great, sandwiched between two men on a scooter that may or may not fall apart on the road. Deadpool smiled. Is it just me, or is Deadpool enjoying this just a little too much?

_I'm pretty sure he's enjoying this too much._

Glad to see I'm not alone.

_You're never alone. You have me._

That's not a very encouraging thought.

_Sure it is! It means you'll never be lonely!_

Uh huh.

Deadpool pulled out of the dark parking garage with enthusiasm. He drove along the road as fast as the scooter could go without falling apart. Which isn't very fast if you ask me.

_It's super fast if you ask me!_

I didn't ask you.

_Well you should have. I have very good opinions._

Everyone's entitled to their opinion. Even if it really doesn't matter.

_Says you._

Yeah, says me.

Deadpool waved at a cop going in the opposite direction. The cop waved at him, then did a double take. The next thing I know, the cop's chasing us up the street with the sirens blaring. I hugged Deadpool just a little bit tighter, and I felt Weasel hug me a little bit tighter. Deadpool smiled and hit the gas as fast as it would go. I felt the little red scooter shudder then speed up to way faster than the cop's car. We sped down the road and rounded the corner tightly. Deadpool lost the cop around one of the many corners we rounded after that.

Deadpool smiled again and steered us towards a big steel building. He hit the brakes and spun the little scooter around so that it parallel parked itself. I loosened my grip around his waist and he hopped off the scooter. I tried to hop off the scooter but was held back by Weasel who was still holding on tightly to my waist. I tugged at his hands and he released his grasp almost immediately.

Deadpool led us into the building with a smile still plastered on his face. We followed him to the elevator. I pressed the button and waited. Deadpool tapped his foot on the ground impatiently.

The elevator doors pinged open and we stepped inside. The little room was enveloped in the overwhelming aroma of pickles and peanut butter.

_The elevator has character now, too._

Great. That's just fantastic. Because I love it when everything smells like pickles and peanut butter.

_I know I do._

Well that's you. What are we doing here?

_We're going to play with explosives! Yay!_

Who owns this building?

_Tony Stark._

Of course.

_He's got plenty of buildings to go around._

So we get to play with explosives?

_Sort of. You guys are going to have to defuse a bomb._

WHAT?!?!

_Deadpool got a call saying that there was a bomb about to go off in the attic of this building. That's why Wade called Weasel._

Why didn't they call a bomb squad, or something like that?!? We're hardly experts!!

_Shows how much you know about your buddy Weasel. He's got experience with many weapons and can hack into almost anything. Including a bomb. The police force wasn't alerted to the presence of the bomb because they are so confident with Weasel's skills._

Oh. That makes me feel much better.

I took the time that we had in the elevator to check what was in my pockets: a pocket knife, some throwing stars, a few grenades, a couple of clips of bullets. Wait. Bullets? Do I have a gun?

_Yes. Check your right-hand side, hidden pocket._

A hidden pocket? Cool.

I felt around in my 'hidden' pocket and pulled out a beautiful gun. I sensed Deadpool's surprise when I randomly pulled out the gun, and Weasel's fear from the same moment. I grinned.

_I believe you also have a katana on your left-hand side shoulder case._

A sword too? This is the best day ever.

I pulled the katana out of its casing. Deadpool stared at me in surprise. Weasel fainted.

Great! Now who's going to defuse the bomb?!?!

_I belive that would be you._

WHAT?!?!


	5. Bombs and Billionaires

**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, yada yada yada, etc. By now you should know that Sophia and her inner voice are my characters.**

**A/N: The long awaited, fifth chapter! Hooray! This is, by far, the best story I've put on this website. I'm quite proud of my brain.**

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Chapter 5: Bombs and Billionaires

When Weasel fainted, he fell on an emergency button that just so happened to be in the elevator. On the floor. In the corner. Which, when pushed, immediately alerted the police that something was amiss in the Stark building. How peculiar…

_What's so peculiar about that?_

A billionaire that dresses up in the Iron Man suit has a button that summons the police.

_Good point. _

Why would he even want a button that summons the police, anyways?

_I don't know. I'm your subconscious, not the Watcher._

That guy freaks me out.

_Me too. Did you forget that there's a bomb about to go off in the attic?_

Oh crap.

As soon as the elevator doors opened with yet another ping (I'm starting to get annoyed with all these pings today), I rushed out of the elevator and ran to a large bomb-like device which was standing all alone in the middle of the room. Deadpool pulled a few papers out of one of his many pockets and stared at it. He nodded and picked Weasel up off the floor, dragging him to the middle of the room. Wade dropped Jack onto the floor beside me as I knelt in front of the bomb. Then some voices floated up from the street below.

"Come out with your hands up! We have the building surrounded! Cease and desist all efforts to blow up the building! They are futile!" a police officer shouted up at us with a megaphone. That reminds me, I want a megaphone.

"Wow, that sure was fast," Deadpool said calmly to me. He walked over to the only window in the small attic that also smelled like pickles and peanut butter. Ewwww…

"We're trying to help you, so don't shoot or the nerd gets it!" Deadpool picked up Weasel from the floor and held him like he was going to slit Jack's throat.

"He's got a hostage! Don't shoot, I repeat, don't shoot!" the police officer with a megaphone shouted to the others, still using his megaphone. I'm sooo jealous! I want a megaphone!

_You'll get your megaphone later! Get to work on that explosive device sitting in front of you!_

Oh right. I almost forgot.

_How could you possibly forget about something like that?!_

I believe my mind isn't very stable right now. I blame you.

_Just defuse that bomb!_

Right!

I pried open a cover on the device which sat in front of me, revealing a mass of colorful wires. Great! Which one do I cut?!

_The blue! In the movies they always cut the blue wire to save the day!_

You're giving me information on how to defuse a bomb that you got FROM A MOVIE?!?!

_Hey, it worked for them!_

Yeah, cause it's a set, and they were never actually in any REAL danger!!

_True, but it's the only clues we got!_

Ah! Maybe I should cut the yellow wire!

_But in the movies they never cut the yellow ones! It's always the blue!_

What about the red?!

_Are you kidding?! That usually speeds up the timer! Don't cut the red one!_

Fine, I'll cut the blue one!

"How's that bomb coming along, Jacknife? The police are getting antsy," Deadpool asked from in front of the window. He was still holding Weasel like he actually _was _in a hostage negotiation. Poor man.

"Um fine!" I called out to him. I pulled one of the knives from my pockets (I accidentally left the others in the elevator. Oops) and concentrated on the blue wires. Then I started sweating, so I whipped off the mask that covered my head just as a helicopter spotlight shone in through the window. I could tell there were some camera men on there. Oops. I just violated superhero rule #1- Don't give your identity away to the public. Dang.

Deadpool turned to me and motioned for me to hurry up. I held the knife unsteadily next to the blue wire, hoping that I didn't accidentally blow up the building.

"I seriously hope I'm not colorblind," I muttered as I clipped the blue wire.

I felt the world stand still as they watched me. Deadpool pulled out the piece of paper again and stared at it in shock and wonder. I looked down at the timer on the bomb, realizing that I had done it. The timer was frozen at 0:38. Thirty eight more seconds and the building would have exploded. Phew, that was a close one!

_We did it!_

We?

_Hey, I'm the one who told you to cut the blue wire. Without me, you would be dead right now._

Without you I'd be sane right now.

Deadpool dropped Weasel onto the floor, where he landed with a thud. He walked slowly over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I got up off the floor and he led me to the elevators. He pressed the button and the doors opened almost immediately, revealing all the weapons I had left in there.

"What about Weasel?" I asked Wade, who just shrugged his shoulders.

"Weasel's a smart boy. He can find his own way home," he replied. The doors closed in front of us and we began our descent to the ground floor, where no doubted there were police waiting for us. I was right.

* * *

"Deadpool! What the hell were you doing in _my _building?!" asked/yelled the enraged Tony Stark. I must say, he looked pretty intimidating in the Iron Man armor.

"I told you. We were saving your building from being blown up into a million itty bitty pieces! You're welcome!" Deadpool grinned at Iron Man.

"How do I know you didn't plant the bomb there yourself?" Iron Man said angrily.

"You don't," Deadpool smirked. "You'll just have to trust me."

"Trust _you_?! Why on Earth would I do that?!" Iron Man practically yelled at Wade. Deadpool just grinned.

"I have absolutely no idea."

"What are you doing with a 17 year-old girl? I thought you liked older women," Iron Man asked Deadpool.

"I do like older women," he replied with a smile. "I have decided to take this girl on as my apprentice."

"What's wrong with her?" he asked, a little concerned. He glanced at me in all my un-masked glory. That remark offended me. Nothing's wrong with me! I'm absolutely fine!

_Did you forget about me?_

Oh yeah. I guess I'm not fine.

_Now I'm offended! How dare you!_

How dare Iron Man!

_Don't you dare put my blame on him!_

Oh yeah? Watch this!

"How dare you! There's nothing _wrong_ with me! I'm perfectly fine!" I almost slapped Iron Man right there. The only thing that stopped me from doing it was that he was wearing his helmet. Stupid helmet.

_I say you should've slapped him anyways._

Why? All it'd do was hurt my hand.

_Exactly._

You're mean.

_So are you._

Well then I guess we're even then.

_I guess we are._

"I meant, do you have any superpowers? Because you must be perfectly sane in order to take orders from Deadpool. Heheh," Tony laughed nervously and glanced sideways at Deadpool, who was looking at him with an amused smile on his face. I sensed Tony's fear of my mentor coming off of him in waves. It was obvious how amused Deadpool was with the fact.

_I might have to tell you something else._

What is it this time?

_You might be a mutant._

WHAT?!

Apparently some of my surprise showed on my face, because Tony shot me an odd look. So did many of the police officers who were still here. Deadpool had by now, grown accustomed to my random acts that came out of seemingly nowhere. "Um, are you okay, Sophia?"

"Me? I'm fine," I huffed out breathlessly.

"Listen Tony, I think we better get going. Jacknife was under a lot of stress today, what with the bomb and the grocery shopping. We'll see ourselves home," Deadpool said to Iron Man casually, while at the same time gently pushing me towards his little red scooter that was still parked at the side of the road.

"I see. Well, I suppose I should thank you for saving my building…Jacknife, was it? Thanks," he offered me his hand, so I shook it. I felt his emotions rush through me; all the fear of Deadpool, the shock of knowing his building was in danger, and the oddness of meeting me. I reeled backward and shot my hand away. Iron Man looked at me in wonder; I could tell some plans were going on in that head of his.

_This head of yours already has plans._

Great. Just what I need, more plans.

"Come Sophia. To the Deadmobile! Away!" Deadpool grabbed my hand quickly and pulled me away from Iron Man, who was still standing in the same spot. I hopped onto the 'Deadmobile' numbly. Deadpool hopped on and made sure he drove home the right way. By the right way, I mean Deadpool's way. Which wasn't very pleasant for the pedestrians we passed on the way back to his apartment.

* * *

As Deadpool took out his keys to his apartment, I sensed something coming from Deadpool's living room. His TV was still on. I don't remember him leaving it on. Deadpool put the keys into the lock and turned them.

Then he turned to me. I was about to tell him that his TV was on, when he shushed me and said, "Shhh, my common sense is tingling." Then he opened the door to his apartment and barged through to the living room. I followed him in and almost immediately noticed that Deadpool was trying to choke a young man that looked about 17. He looked incredibly familiar…

_Well you should know him! He's-_

* * *

**Muahahaha! Don't you just love cliffhangers? I know I do! Review, my loyal followers! Review!**


	6. Brothers and BandAides

**Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own anything of Marvel's but guess what! I own Sophia, Sophia's inner voice, and Ace! You'll find out who he is. **

**A/N: Well I decided I didn't want to be blown up by a bomb so I wrote this chapter when I had time! Enjoy!**

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Chapter 6: Brothers and Band-Aides

Oh. My. God. I can't believe he's alive!

_He's right there, isn't he?_

This is almost too good to be true!

I looked very carefully at the young man that I had somehow gotten Deadpool to stop choking. He was about 17, had wonderful green eyes, soft brown hair (the same shade as mine) cut so that it covered his ears and most of his forehead, and a cheeky grin on his face. He wore a plain white t-shirt and black pants that fit him not too tightly, but not too loosely either.

"Ace?" I asked the young man uncertainly.

"It's been ten years and you _still _haven't called!" was the reply. Yep, that's Ace alright.

"I thought you were dead!" I told him while giving him a huge hug.

_I want a huge hug!_

I want a megaphone, but that's not going to happen anytime soon.

"Pfft, excuses excuses. You still should've called to see if I was alive or not," Ace said while returning my huge hug. I smiled.

"Um, Sophia? Who's this?" Deadpool asked. He scratched the back of his neck uncertainly.

"Oh, let me explain. Ace is my twin brother who was in the supposedly fatal car crash that my parents were in, about ten years ago. I was at my ballet class that day…" I said slowly then turned back to Ace. "Ace, how are you alive? I thought you died in the crash!"

Ace let go of me and backed up a little bit. "I discovered something about myself that day." He picked up a can of soda off the counter and balanced it on top of his hand. "Watch this," he said excitedly.

I watched carefully as the can of soda started to shake wildly. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, the can burst and soda flew all over the room. Deadpool whistled.

"Wow, that's some cool power you got there! Being able to make soda cans explode, because no one else can do that already!" Deadpool said sarcastically.

Ace grinned slyly. "That's not all I can do." He grabbed a pencil off the counter and held it out in his hand. I raised an eyebrow slowly as I watched the pencil spontaneously ignite into flames. Deadpool whistled again.

"Wow, you're so unique! Nobody else in the Marvel universe can set things on fire!" he said sarcastically again. Ace's temper was rising so I decided to step in.

"What exactly does this mean, Ace? How did this save you that day?" I asked him.

"It means that I'm a mutant! I can control the kinetic energy of objects and use them for my own purposes!" he replied excitedly.

"And what does that mean?" I asked him for the benefit of Deadpool.

_Uh huh. Even I know that's a lie._

Fine.

"It means, my dear sister, that I was able to redirect the energy of the car crash away from myself. Unfortunately, I was unable to save our parents, seeing as I was seven and had no idea how to control my power. But I can control it now!" he threw his hands up into the air triumphantly.

"Another question: How did you find me?" I asked.

Ace pointed at the television screen. It was showing the news that a Stark building was saved by a 17 year old girl. Then they showed my face onscreen. Dang. Stupid reporters in that stupid helicopter. It probably wasn't the first station to show the news, either.

"My common sense is tingling again," Deadpool said as he stared at the screen. Just then, the telephone rang. "I'll get it!" he announced. He ran to the receiver and picked up the phone. "Yeelllllloo?"

I moved up next to him in order to hear the conversation.

"Wilson? What the hell were you doing trying to defuse that bomb with a 17 year-old girl?!?" said the voice that I identified as the famed SHIELD commander, Nick Fury.

"Trying to save that building. I don't know why though, the only thing I've gotten in return was grief for it. Oh, and a 17 year-old boy that broke into my apartment just to see his sister. Nothing good, I tell you! He destroyed a can of soda and one of my favorite pencils!" Deadpool shot a glance at Ace, who grinned in return.

"You don't say?" Nick Fury said, obviously feigning interest.

"Yes, he's terrible."

"Listen here, Wilson. You had better give me a good explanation of why you were in that building with a 17 year-old girl and I want it now!" Fury demanded. Jeez, somebody's angry at Wade.

_Who isn't?_

Um, Wade's friends?

_He left Weasel in a building all alone. I don't think he's very happy with Wade right now._

I forgot about that.

"What's that, Fury? You're…You're breaking up!" Deadpool crinkled a bag of potato chips in front of the receiver.

"Wilson! Stop crinkling potato chips in front of the receiver and answer my questions!" Fury was living up to his name in the angry department.

"Never!" Deadpool shouted at the phone and hung up. I sighed in relief. Who knows how that would've turned out if Deadpool had actually answered those questions?

_I think the author knows, but decided not to put it in the story._

Agh! Stop tearing down the fourth wall brick by brick!

_I'll stop when the author wants me to stop. _

And when will that be?

_I have absolutely no idea._

You're no help.

_Hey, I helped with that bomb didn't I?_

Hmm, I guess that's true.

Almost immediately after Deadpool had hung up the phone, it began ringing again. Deadpool picked it up and asked, "Yeelllllloo?"

"Wade?" the voice on the other end of the line was somewhat familiar…

_That's because it's Spider-Man!_

Wow, really?

_Yes, really._

That's nice of him. Say, how come you know all these things but I don't?

…

Why aren't you answering my question?!

…

"No, this is Iron Man," Wade said and hung up. I stared at Wade. He went over to the corner and picked up that chair that was tortured so much in the past few days, and brought it over next to the phone. A few minutes later the phone rang again and Wade answered it. "Yeelllllloo?"

"Wade?" asked the voice of Iron Man.

"No, this is Spider-Man. You must have gotten us confused; everyone else does," was Wade's answer.

"Wade, I know it's you. Peter just called me asking if I was you. Then he said something about mixing up people's numbers."

"Oh did he? Well in that case I'm going to hang up because he's probably going to call me again and I don't want to have to go three-way calling. My phone bill is expensive enough!" Wade said and then hung up. Poor phone.

Then, almost predictably, the phone rang yet again. And Deadpool answered it again. "Yeelllllloo?"

"Wade, I know it's you so don't try saying you're someone else!" huffed Spider-Man.

"Peter! What a surprise! And by surprise I mean not surprising at all. You're getting rather predictable these days," said Deadpool.

"Wade, I demand to know what you were thinking when you decided to go into that building without a bomb-squad!"

"Why exactly does everybody want to know that? Why am I such a celebrity all of a sudden? Pray tell," Deadpool asked while casually twirling the phone cord around his finger.

"You're the lead story on the 5 o'clock news!" was the answer.

I looked over to see what Ace was up to and found him going through Deadpool's fridge. He was laughing for some reason.

"I figured that out when I found a 17 year-old boy in my apartment. It turns out that he's related to my apprentice! Who would've guessed?" Deadpool glanced over at Ace, who was still laughing at Deadpool's fridge.

"That reminds me; why did you decide to take on an apprentice? Does this have anything to do with that bet you made with Fury?" Spider-man asked curiously.

"What? I don't remember making a bet with Fury. And I have no idea why I decided to take on an apprentice."

"Wade, you aren't responsible enough to care for a 17 year-old girl!" Spider-Man said.

"I'm not responsible enough? I'll show you responsible!" with that Deadpool hung up the phone yet again. He got up from the chair and went over to where Ace was still laughing at the fridge. "Hey kid, whatcha laughing at?"

"I can't believe you decorated the inside of your fridge! With Band-Aides!" Ace said, still laughing.

"You better believe I did. I'm not about to let the inside of my fridge go undecorated," Deadpool replied. This got more laughter from Ace. I can't take it anymore! I have to know what my twin brother is laughing at!

_Someone's impatient._

I thought you weren't talking to me.

_No, I'm just not answering those few questions._

I rushed over to the fridge and immediately burst out laughing. He decorated the inside of his fridge with the Hello Kitty Band-Aides! Ha! This is too funny!

_Well, at least you know what he uses the Band-Aides for._

He decorated the inside of his fridge with them! Ha!

_You can stop now. It isn't really that funny._

Are you kidding me? It's hilarious!

"Wade, why did you put Band-Aides in your fridge?" I asked him while somehow stifling my laughter long enough to ask the question.

"Well, my fridge looked too bland so I decided I wanted to decorate it. But I didn't know what to use so I went through my closet and found some leftover Band-Aides. But then I realized they were Wolverine Band-Aides so I threw them out because they made me lose my appetite. Then I made you buy some at the convenience store. Does that answer your question?"

"Um yeah, thanks. So can Ace stay here for the night?" I asked him yet another question.

Deadpool looked Ace up and down and tapped his chin in what I guessed was deep thought.

_Hey it could've been anything from deep to aesthetic._

I know, but it's simpler to call it deep thought.

"Yeah, why not? You can sleep on the floor over there," Deadpool shrugged his shoulders and pointed at some blankets piled on the floor in a corner.

"Sweet, thanks man," Ace replied and gave me a high five.

"Well I'm gonna retire so I'll see you in the morning," Deadpool said and wandered off into his room. I hopped over to the couch and flung myself on it. Then I remembered I had to brush my teeth so I hopped back off my couch and went over to the bathroom, leaving Ace to his own devices.

* * *

When I returned, I found the living room in a completely different state than it was previously in. This isn't to say that's a bad thing. Before the room was all messy, with random magazines strewn across the room. But now it was clean with everything put into its place. I looked over at Ace, who gave me another of his grins and threw me a pillow. I smiled back at him and flung myself back onto the sofa.

So if he's a mutant, what's my mutant power?

_Isn't it obvious?_

If it was, would I be asking you this question?

_Good point. Your mutant power is the ability to feel other people's emotions._

Wow, I guess that is kind of obvious. How could I miss something like that?

_You miss a lot of things._

Sigh, goodnight crazy self.

_Goodnight._

"Goodnight!" I said out loud. I could feel Deadpool's slight annoyance at my outburst.

"Goodnight, Jacknife!" came the inevitable reply from the other room.

"Goodnight Sophia. I missed you," said Ace from his pile of blankets in the corner.

After a few moments of silence Ace snorted and said, "Jacknife?"

"Don't ask." I replied before drifting off into sleep.

* * *

**Okay everybody! Let me know how you like the story so far! Oh, and if you like Ace! REVIEW please!**


	7. SpiderMan Never Got This Kind Of Treatm

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. Sophia, Sophia's inner voice, and Ace are mine! **

**A/N: I know this chapter is long overdue, but I've been busy with things... Okay! You caught me! I was watching 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine' again! Plus I'm super lazy. So there!**

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Chapter 7: Spider-Man Never Got This Kind Of Treatment

I jolted awake to the sound of someone screaming, "Bea Arthur!" Oh wait, that's Deadpool's voice. Never mind then. I glanced at the stove's built-in clock. It read 9:42. Great. How long have I been here with Deadpool? Two weeks?

_Today is your third day._

Oh, well it feels like longer.

_Especially since the first day was only a chapter, whereas the second day was five chapters._

What?

_Well I guess that's okay, considering Deadpool already had an adventure that day…_

What are you talking about?

_What? You were listening to me?_

Ugh, never mind.

I jumped off my couch, went over to the kitchen, poured myself some cereal, and poured the milk. Oops, I forgot to put it in a bowl. Dang. I heard a mumble from the corner where Ace was sleeping. How did he get everything so clean last night?

_Maybe he's a clean freak._

Hmm, that might be useful.

_Yes, it might._

I walked over to where Ace was sleeping and tapped him on the shoulder. His eyes fluttered open and he stared at me.

"Sophia, what did you do?" he asked sleepily.

"I forgot to pour my cereal in a bowl," I said.

"How on Earth did you forget that?"

"Um, I don't know. It's nine something in the morning!" I answered back.

He sighed, "Fine. I'll clean it up. Why are you so forgetful? You weren't always this way."

"It might have something to do with the fact that I'm both a mutant and I was injected with that one serum. What was it called? I forgot," I started snapping my fingers to try and jog my memory. I don't think it worked.

_It's the Green Goblin serum. It has a scientific name, but I don't know that one._

Oh yeah! Thanks!

_You're welcome. It's nice to see some gratitude every once in awhile._

Yes, it is.

_Why are we agreeing all of a sudden?_

I don't know.

_Oh isn't that a surprise. You don't know._

Well I don't! At least I'm not in denial!

_Who's in denial?_

I don't know!

_That sounds familiar._

Stop picking on me!

_I'm not picking on you on purpose! The author's making me!_

You and your excuses.

I watched as Ace cleaned up the mess I had created and he poured two bowls of cereal. Yes, inside the bowls. He apparently isn't as forgetful as I am with those kinds of things. He put one of the bowls at one spot at the little kitchen table and sat down with the other bowl at another spot. I sat down next to him and gratefully ate my cereal.

After awhile, Deadpool came out of his room, yawned, and said, "Okay you two, we've got a big day ahead of us. So hurry up and finish your cereal!"

I nodded my head and ate my cereal hurriedly. Ace did the same.

* * *

Half an hour later, I was dressed in a fresh costume and ready for action. Ace was looking a little lost as he fumbled around in his small suitcase he had brought with him, searching for something to wear. I smiled at him as he finally decided to wear the same thing he wore yesterday, except this time with a black leather jacket. Deadpool looked us up and down and ushered us out of the apartment.

We walked towards the elevator at a leisurely pace. Well, not really. It was kind of fast, but at the same time not in a rush. Does that make sense?

_Not really. It's rather confusing._

I wasn't asking you.

_Well then who were you asking?_

Um, I don't know.

_I'm telling you, you have to stop saying that._

Why should I, hmm?

_The audience is going to think something of it._

Since when is that a bad thing?

_I don't know!_

Aha! Now you're echoing me!

Deadpool pushed the little button that called the elevator and waited calmly as the elevator made its way to the eighth floor. From what I've learned about him, this was extremely out of character.

_Ya think?_

Yes, yes I do.

_Oh, well okay then._

The elevator doors pinged open and we stepped inside. The small room was immediately enveloped with the smell of peanut butter and pickles. I covered my nose and turned to Deadpool.

"Please don't tell me we're riding that little red deathtrap again!" I pleaded.

"What's the matter? Don't you like my manly scooter?"

"Well, it isn't exactly 'safe', you know?" I said back to him.

"Hey, it's not my fault Rhino sat on my car! Stupid Rhino," he mumbled under his breath.

Ace held back his laughter, as did I. It was pretty funny that Rhino sat on his car, you have to admit. The elevator doors pinged open on the third floor, revealing a tall man who looked confused.

"I'll take the next one," he said as he stared at our little trio.

"Yeah, you will," Deadpool said to the man and pressed the 'close doors' button. The doors closed again and the elevator descended to the ground floor. The doors pinged again after a few minutes of silence. There was a little crowd in the lobby that cheered as they saw us. What are they cheering about?

_Hmm, yeah I'm not sure._

Well that helps.

_Doesn't it?_

No.

_Well then._

The crowd engulfed us with cheers that were so loud I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to hear out of my left ear again.

_Sure you will! You just have to think positive!_

Since when are you an optimist?

_Since this moment in time that probably doesn't matter anyway!_

What makes you say that?

_I have absolutely no idea!_

Why are you so cheery?

_I have absolutely no idea!_

Ookaay then.

"Oh, Ms. Dyhar! Can I get your autograph?" a random stranger asked me.

"Sorry folks, I don't sign random people's pieces of paper. Ooh, alliteration!" I said to the crowd. A few people stared at me as I pushed my way through the thick conglomeration of citizens (heheh, more alliteration), but I continued on with my quest to get outside. Deadpool grabbed my wrist along with Ace's and pressed the button on his chest. Wait, if he was holding both of our hands, what did he press the button with?

_Hmm, it's a mystery._

Are you being sarcastic?

_Me? No. You, on the other hand, are a lost cause._

But… aren't we the same person?

_Touché._

That doesn't even make any sense!!

_It doesn't have to._

Agh!

After what seemed to be ages, but was in fact, only seconds later, we appeared on a Manhattan street, covered in red dust that smelled like pickles and peanut butter. The people on _that _street also stared at us like the people in the apartment building did. Well, to be more specific, they were staring at me. Me. Yes, me. What the heck is wrong with these people?

_Them? Nothing._

Are you being sarcastic again?

_I think you just insulted yourself._

How, might I ask?

_I don't know the exact terminology, but you just insulted yourself by asking what was wrong with the people clapping for you._

I di- they're clapping for me?

_Can't you hear them?_

Not really. I'm still deaf in one ear.

_Turn around._

I turned around slowly. What I saw both surprised, and shocked me. The entire street was clapping for me.

"Boy, news sure travels fast these days," Deadpool said simply.

Ace looked at the crowd and said,"I'm her brother!" He was immediately swarmed by people begging for his autograph.

"I'm her mentor!" Wade shouted at the crowd. The people ignored him. "Oh, come on! Where's my swarm of fangirls? I've been waiting for them all year!" he started shouting at the sky.

An old lady walked towards me uncertainly. "Excuse me, young miss, can you help me?" she said in a shaky voice. "Mr. Mittens is stuck in that tree over there. Would you mind getting him down for me? It would mean the world to me." She beckoned at a tree that was rustling like something was inside.

"Sure I can," I said to her, because what else do you say to an old lady whose cat named Mr. Mittens was stuck up a tree?

_Did you try 'No'?_

Now that's just mean!

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**As you know, Spider-Man never got this kind of response from the people of New York. I guess they like 17 year-old girls better than men of an undeterminable age... Anyways, REVIEW!** **Chapter 8 will be around soon!**


	8. Stupid Cat!

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of Marvel's stuff, yada yada yada, Sophia is mine along with Ace and Sophia's inner voice!**

**A/N: I just found out that the same person who voices Cyclops in 'Wolverine and the X-Men' along with Pyro and random SHIELD agents, is also going to be voicing Deadpool in the second series...That should be interesting.**

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Chapter 8: Stupid Cat!

I looked up at the cat sitting precariously on the highest branch of the tree and sighed. Why do cats always have to get into trouble?

_I think its part of the appeal of owning a cat._

What- how does that work out?

_Cat gets stuck in the tree._

Of course.

I scratched the back of my neck uncertainly while the old lady looked at me hopefully, with her hands clasped together. Okay, how am I going to get him down?

_I think you're smart enough to figure this one out on your own._

But, we're the same person, so if you help me it's like helping yourself!

_I'm too lazy._

Oh yeah? Well so am I.

_That's too bad._

Why?

_You could've saved some people someday._

Is that a challenge I hear?

_No, it's a fact._

I take it as a challenge!

…_You do that._

I will! I'll show you!

…_Uh huh, you keep believing that._

What do you mean by that?

_Oh never mind._

You say that a lot.

I took out two knives that just so happened to be in the pocket I chose, and stabbed them into the gigantic tree's trunk. I stared up at the cat and I swear it stared back at me evilly. Did I tell you I don't like cats? Seriously, they annoy me so much. They never listen to me!

_I would say something spiteful, but then I'd be insulting myself._

What is it with you and insults?

_It's my shtick. _

What's my shtick?

_Right now it's the fact that you can hear me, and you sometimes listen to me._

Hmm… I'm not sure if I like this shtick.

_You don't have to like it for it to be yours._

True enough.

By this time I had managed to use my knives like ice picks and reached the first of many branches. I looked down at the little crowd that had started to gather at the base of the tree. Weird how somebody using knives to climb a tree in order to save a cat named Mr. Mittens can draw people's attention.

_Did you know Deadpool has the attention span of a dead squirrel?_

No, I didn't. Why is it dead?

_He killed it._

Of course he did.

I continued to stab my knives into the tree's trunk, gradually increasing my distance from the ground and drawing me closer to the 'evil' cat at the top that was still staring at me. Man, can that thing stare! It's like it hates me or something! Wait, are its eyes yellow?

_Believe it or not, that's actually a pretty common eye color for cats._

Really? Shows how much I know about cats.

_Really. Can't you climb any faster? You are as slow as a tortoise._

Hey, slow and steady wins the race.

_Yeah, but are you the hare or the tortoise?_

Um, which one is better?

_Depends on the situation…and the person._

What do you-

_Look out!_

What?!?

I turned around as something unexpected came at me. Nothing.

_Ha! Psyche!_

If we weren't the same person I swear I'd try and kill you, or threaten you at the very least.

_Ooh, suicide? Suicide is NEVER the answer._

Plus you'd probably haunt me after I was dead.

_That's true. I'm stuck to you like glue._

What a morbid thought. Let's move onto a happier topic, like rainbows, and unicorns, and whatever's at the end of a rainbow.

_Why would I want to talk about those things?_

I don't know. I was just suggesting topics that might interest you.

_I take great umbrage to that remark! How dare you even suggest that I like rainbows and unicorns and whatever's at the end of a rainbow!_

Waaahhh?? You don't want to find out what's at the end of a rainbow??

_Hmm…I'd have to think about that one some more._

Yeah, so would I. Man, how tall is this tree? It's taking me forever to climb!

_I'm not a very good judge of distances, so don't ask me._

Of course you aren't.

I lifted myself onto a final branch and cast a glance at the cat that _was still staring at me_. Wait, is it possible for cats to have 'powers'?

_Why do you ask that?_

Well, think about it. It would explain why it hates me.

_It doesn't hate you. It just…dislikes you. A lot._

Whatever.

I drew myself up to my full height in order to get the best vantage point at which to reach the cat. The cat hissed at me as I reached for it.

"You will listen to me," I said to the cat in a mesmerizing tone I didn't know I possessed. The cat swayed back and forth for a few seconds, shook its head, hissed at me, the backed up towards the edge of the branch.

"No! Bad kitty! Come here kitty, kitty, kitty!" I pleaded to the cat. The cat hissed at me again and continued to back up towards the tip of the branch. Stupid cat.

_Maybe it's not stupid; maybe it's incredibly smart and knows you don't like cats._

Yeah, sure, and Domino will come to hunt down Deadpool.

_You never know. She is a mercenary you know._

Hmm…

_Hurry up and save that cat!_

I reached for the cat again, and (surprise, surprise), it hissed at me again. It backed up towards the edge of the branch and looked at me evilly once more. Then, it did something I didn't think cats would enjoy doing: it jumped off the edge of the branch. I stared at the cat as everything moved in slow-motion. And I mean everything; the cat fell in slow-motion, the crowd below looked up in fascinated horror in slow-motion, Deadpool was eating a snow cone in slow-motion, a cab driver crashed into a tree in slow-motion, the old lady opened up her arms in slow-motion. It was weird.

And, then it was like someone had pushed the 'play' button on a universal remote, because everything was moving at normal speed again. The cat, the crowd, the cab driver, Deadpool, and the old lady were all moving at normal speed. The cat fell gracefully into the outstretched arms of its owner, who looked up gratefully at me. I smiled confusedly back. Then I began my long descent back to the ground.

* * *

Once I had touched down, I was immediately enveloped by the crowd once more. Random people patted me on the back and congratulated me on a job well done, even though the cat had basically gotten out of the tree itself. The cat's owner walked up to me and said, "Thank you, miss. I owe Mr. Mitten's life to you."

"Um, no problem. It was a cinch," I said back uncertainly. The cat glared at me from its owner's arms. Wait a minute, that lady looks awfully familiar…

_I wonder why… You only almost ran over her twice with a shopping cart._

Oh yeah! Jeez my memory sucks.

_Yeah, it's like trying to keep track of a stick in a tornado in here!_

In where?

_Your mind, of course. Where else would I be?_

Um, I don't know. A coffee shop, perhaps?

_What? Why would I be in a coffee shop?_

Because you love the taste of coffee.

_How would I get to the coffee shop? I exist in your subconscious._

There can only be one possible explanation for this!

_And what might that be?_

You are a telepath who loves coffee and has somehow gotten me under the impression that you exist in my subconscious! You are currently laughing at me from an undisclosed location where you are drinking coffee!

_What-? That's ridiculous! How could you possibly think that?_

Anything goes in this universe, especially the ridiculous!

_You know what, never mind. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a telepath._

That's what you want me to think.

_You're insane._

That's also what you want me to think. But your mind tricks won't work on me!

_That's because I'm not using any mind tricks on you! I'm not a telepath!_

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

_You're impossible!_

My mind may be wildly out of my control, for all I care.

I pushed my way through the crowd in order to reach Deadpool and Ace, who both had snow cones. And now I'm hungry. Saving cats stuck at the top of really tall trees is hard work!

_I'm not a telepath!_

That had nothing to do with any of my thoughts about snow cones!

Anyways, as I looked longingly at Ace's snow cone, a shadowy figure danced across my peripheral vision. I turned around slowly, but there was no-one there. Creepy. Tingles ran up and down my spine as the crowd drew ever closer to my position on the sidewalk.

They ran up to me and bombarded me with ridiculous requests like: "Can you save my dog from the pound?" "My baby has the hiccups! Can you help her?" "Can you help me cross the street?" "My car broke down up the street, could you take a look at it for me?"

To this last question I replied, "Do I look like a car mechanic to you?"

The man jumped back in fright. Then I realized that I was actually pretty good with cars so I replied back to him, "Fine, show me where it's at. I'll take a look at it."

The man looked pleased with himself as he led me up the street. Ace followed along behind me, surrounded by a crowd of girls. Deadpool got up from his position on the curb and casually tossed his snow cone onto the nearest car. The car swerved wildly out of control and the driver leaned his head out of the window and yelled at Deadpool.

"Thanks a lot, jerk!"

"No problem, it was my pleasure! In this economy you need all the free hand outs you can get!" replied Deadpool cheerily.

"Aren't you Canadian?" I asked him.

"Shh! You know that, and I know that, but _he _doesn't need to know that." He jerked at thumb at the swerving car.

"Why not?" I asked, watching as Ace flipped his hair for the group of girls, who squealed with delight.

"Why not?" he echoed. "Why not? I think that serum might be getting to your head now."

Ya think?

"Maybe just a little." I said aloud.

"You might not be in the best of circumstances to be around people…but who am I to spoil the fun!" came Deadpool's response. "Continue with this ridiculous errand and we'll see where it takes us."

* * *

**Sophia's mind is spiraling wildly out of her control! Is there really a telepath behind the voice? What is up with these crowds of people? Who was that mysterious shadow in Sophia's peripheral vision? Why am I asking you all of these random questions? Tune in next time to find out!**


	9. Spilt Coffee

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of Marvel's characters, and Sophia and Ace are mine!**

**A/N: I would like to say that I'm very sorry for all of Spider-Man's enemies...They have very low self-esteem you know.**

**Random Quotes of the Day!: "You know what your problem is? You never learned to take anything seriously."-Wolverine. "Is that what my problem is? I thought my problem was that I was crazy."-Deadpool.**

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Chapter 9: Spilt Coffee

I looked at the car's engine and scratched my head. I wasn't very good with fixing cars, just hotwiring them. I shrugged my shoulders to the man and said, "Sorry, but I can't help you. I recommend you call someone who works at a car repair shop or something like that."

The man sighed and said, "Well I was hoping you'd help me, since you saved that building from exploding, but I guess I'm not as important as a Stark building. Thanks anyway." He turned back to his smoking engine and I started to walk away. Deadpool caught up me and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Cheer up kid. At least he didn't boo you and throw things at ya. _Those _New Yorkers are the ones to swear your revenge after. Speaking of revenge, you want pizza for lunch?" he said cheerily.

How does revenge remind him of pizza…?

_I don't know. Maybe he'll get indigestion and he'll count that as revenge from the pizza for eating it._

That's the most ridiculous explanation I've ever heard.

_You came up with an even more ridiculous one last chapter, remember?_

Oh yeah. How's that coffee?

_Would you stop with that! I'm not a freakin' telepath! How many times do I have to tell you this?!?_

How many times have you told me already?

_I don't know…Um, five?_

Well then, you'll need to tell me it thirty more times in order for me to remember it.

_I'm too lazy._

Well that makes two of us.

"Sure, I'm up for pizza," I said to Wade. He smiled underneath his mask and glanced back at Ace. "What are we gonna do with this lame OC?" he asked, pointing his thumb at my twin brother.

I shrugged. "Take him with us? He's got nowhere else to go."

"What about wherever he was before he so rudely broke into my apartment? Can't the weirdo go back there?"

"I'm not sure that's the best idea." I said to him and glanced back at Ace. Ace was surrounded by a crowd of girls who were looking at him longingly. He clearly seemed to be enjoying himself as he flipped his hair again and the girls sighed in response. I slowed down in order to walk next to my brother and got some hostile glances from some of the girls. One of them looked like she wanted to kill me. Jeez do these girls know I'm his sister?

_I don't think so. You may want to start running now._

Why? ---Oof!

I flew to the ground as one of the girls tackled me and pinned me down. I looked up in surprise at the brown haired girl. Her equally brown eyes were filled with hate and something that looked…not right. Kind of like my eyes, since they can glow green, but not exactly like that. It was sort of like…she wasn't all there, in her head. She started punching me in the face with her left fist so the next time her fist came down I grabbed it and twisted it in a painful position. She screeched in agony and pulled her hand away from me. This left her off balance so I somehow jumped out from under her, knocking her down in the process. Then I did what any girl in my position would do…run away as fast as my legs would carry me.

_Are you sure any girl would do that?_

Pretty sure. Why?

_Oh, no reason._

You're up to something. I can sense it.

_Using your emotion reading abilities?_

No, using my common sense.

"Stop Kara! She's my sister! Don't hurt her!" I heard Ace yell to the brown eyed, brown haired girl.

"Wow, your first line for a few chapters and _that's _what you have to say. Now that's just sad," said Deadpool. Ace ignored him.

"Me? Hurt her? Look what she did to my wrist! I'll get her for this!" yelled the brown eyed girl.

"That's it, Kara! We are officially over!" Ace shouted to Kara, getting sounds of glee from the other girls in response.

Wow, I didn't know Ace was dating anybody.

_Neither did the audience. It's what we call 'a surprise'._

"What?!!? You…you're breaking up with me? There must be a reason," said Kara. "There must be someone else. You're seeing someone else aren't you?!?" She yelled back to him.

Her voice was fainter than before, so she must not be chasing me. I stopped running and turned around. Whoa, I can run fast. Ace, Kara, Wade, and the group of girls were all about five blocks away. And I didn't even break a sweat! This rocks!

_What? Running fast or not sweating?_

Both!

I figured it was safe so I decided to jog back to them.

"No, I'm not seeing someone else. I just think we need a break…from each other. You know, see other people," he said.

I slowed down and leaned against a stop sign as I felt Kara's emotions surge into a flood of uncontrollable rage… That sounded a lot cooler in my head.

_We're already in your head. It's boring in here. Get back to the action!_

But my face still hurts!

_Build a bridge and get over it._

My face?

_No, your whining!_

"You must be seeing someone else! That's the only possible explanation for why you're leaving me! I shall hunt her down."

"Kara," I said, trying to get her attention. She turned towards me and put her hands on her hips. "These are not the droids you're looking for," I said in that mesmerizing tone that worked so well on the cat. She swayed woozily and almost fell under my spell. Wait, do I have another mutant ability?

_I believe you do. I think you can 'influence' the weak-minded._

Sweet! So my Star Wars line was totally applicable?!?

…_I don't know how to respond to that._

Kara shook her head, loosening my 'influence', and then turned around and walked away with purpose in her stride…at least I think it was purpose.

_I think it was purpose too._

Yeah, I didn't really need your opinion.

_Well you got it anyways._

"That's right, you walk away! Pfft, amateurs," I heard Deadpool say to no-one in particular. "You may want this for later," he said to Ace and threw him a gardening spade.

"A spade? How cheesy can you get?" said Ace.

"Hah! You're the Ace of Spades! That is ridiculously corny!" I immediately burst out laughing and bumped into someone who came out of a coffee shop, spilling their coffee all over them.

"What the-?!" said the spilt coffee guy, "You! You did this to me!" he said, pointing his green-clad finger at me. Wait a minute, this guy was wearing a green jumpsuit that covered part of his head, a fedora, and a trench coat—he must be trouble! Because everyone who wears a trench coat is trouble!

_Do you really think that?_

Not really, but in his case it might actually be true.

"You will pay for spilling my coffee!" said the trench coat man as he started to rise from the ground. Whoa, this I was not expecting—a zombie attack, maybe—but not this…person.

_You were expecting a zombie attack?_

Hey, you always need to be prepared! Someday it could actually happen.

_Yeah, and Domino will come after Deadpool._

She is a mercenary, you said so yourself last chapter.

_I know I did, and you also said I was a telepath, which ISN'T true!_

That's what you want me to think.

_Yes, because I'm NOT a telepath! I speak the truth!_

Unless you're lying to me about your truthfulness.

_But I'm not lying!_

Unless you are.

_I'm not!_

Hold on, there's a fight scene coming up.

_But I-_

I rolled to the left as a bolt of electricity shot from the trench coat guy's hand, missing me by a foot. Deadpool took a step backward and a bullet shot went right where his head had just been. I could hear someone cursing from the roof of a building. I think it's a woman.

_Domino?_

Maybe, but what would she be doing hunting down Deadpool?

_I don't know, maybe she heard us talking about her and decided to make an appearance doing exactly what we predicted she'd do; hunt down Wade._

Wow, and I thought I was nuts. Oh wait, that's Squirrel Girl. Never mind then!

I rolled to the right as another bolt of lightning came from my opponent's hand, missing me again.

"Bolts of lightning? That all you got? Come on! Show some originality here!" I taunted my attacker.

_Why are you purposely provoking him? He's already mad at you._

I don't really know. Spider-Man taunts his foes and they get really mad and I guess it throws off their aim or something like that.

_That isn't very nice of him. Some of his enemies have very sensitive self-esteems._

Yeah, like this clown. Excuse me for a moment.

_But I-_

"Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!! I am Electro! Fear my electrical wielding powers!" said my attacker from his position in the air next to a light pole. Hmm, let's see here… Electro + light pole = big explosion… I hope.

_So do I, because the only other outcome I can think of is he'll grow extremely powerful from all that extra energy surging through him._

Yeah, that's not too good for me, is it?

_Nope._

"Oh really? That's good, for a minute there I thought I was actually in danger, but if it's just you then I'm perfectly safe," I said from my position behind a trash-can.

I heard a grunt from behind me as Deadpool was kicked by someone.

_I think it's Domino._

Yeah, so do I, but I'm not turning around to find out.

_Aww, why not? Wade's fight is bound to be more exciting than yours!_

What makes you say that?

_The main character always has the more exciting fight._

Hey, I'm like the leading lady in this production!

"I'd call you more of a loyal supporting cast member," said Deadpool as he dodged another punch from Domino.

"Stay still, you stupid merc, so I can punch you!" said Domino as she swung her fist uselessly yet again.

What? Wade can hear us?

"You bet I can! In the comics, you would be having what some people call an 'inner monologue', but I call it talking to yourself," said Deadpool.

Whoa.

"Yeah, whoa is right. I can hear everything you're thinkin' because I know how to read! Haha! Bet you didn't see that coming, now did you?" asked Deadpool, ducking as Domino swung yet again.

I thought she could manipulate luck.

_She can, but only when she's in danger, so right now her powers aren't working because Wade isn't hitting back._

Oh, that explains it. Got an explanation for that?

_What is-? Aw crap._

I looked at the oncoming wave of people with mixed emotions…Okay, it was mostly fear, overwhelming fear, and some surprise mixed in there. The crowd of people had a crazed, wild look in their eyes, like they were possessed or something.

_I've come up with an explanation!_

What might that be?

_They're zombies!_

Ah ha! I told you it would happen!

_No you didn't. You said you have to be prepared for anything._

Oh, okay then.

_Wow, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be._

What?

_Oh nothing._

Tell me!

_You might want to start running now._

What-? Why?

_Zombies._

Crap.

"Hey, Electro? Can we finish this later? There's a zombie horde coming and I really don't want to turn into a living-dead person," I said, getting up from behind the trash-can and running down the street.

"Yeah, Dom, I'll pencil you in for 2:30, okay? We can finish our fight then," said Deadpool, also running down the street.

"What the-?! Wade! Wade come back here! I'm not finished with you yet!" yelled Domino, who then started to chase after Deadpool.

"Oh, Dom, I didn't know you felt that way about me. But, what are we going to tell Nate? He won't be too happy about all this," said Deadpool.

"Why you little! Come back here!" demanded Domino.

"Eek! Feets don't fail me!" said Deadpool.

"Wait up for me!" screamed Ace. Ha, he screams like a girl.

"You bet he does," said Wade to me. To Ace he said, "What are you doing?"

"Running away in fear."

"Well don't do that! I sprayed zombie repellent on that spade before I threw it to you!" said Deadpool.

"You did?" I asked from my position in the lead. Jeez, those zombies can run fast.

_I thought zombies were really slow moving._

Oh yeah. Maybe those aren't zombies then.

_Then what are they?_

"These guys aren't zombies," said Ace, "they're vampires!"

Crap.

_Crap._

"Crap," said Domino.

"Crap," said Electro.

"Bicycles, yo!" said Deadpool.

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**Haha, you know I just had to give Ace a spade to use as a weapon. It was an opportunity I couldn't resist! And for those of you who were paying attention, I used several quotes from some issues of Wolverine's origin, where it featured Wade who just so happened to beat up Wolverine and hang him over a tank of water. But, then along came Daken, and well...you know the rest. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks to Zarsthor for the idea of Jedi-like 'influencing'. You rock! Keep on reviewing everyone! It really helps my self-esteem! (Even though it's already pretty good. Heheheh...)**


	10. My Inner Voice Comes Out

**A/N: Well, I've decided to skip with the disclaimers, since you all know who everybody belongs to. So there. On a side-note, I'd like to thank Zarsthor for everything she's done for me, seeing as she's done so much, I can't count it anymore. On another side-note, happy new year everyone! I know this chapter is a little late for that, but I'd still like to wish you a happy new year! But, enough with me, go ahead and read the chapter.**

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Chapter 10: My Inner Voice Comes Out

"What the-?! Bicycles?! How are bicycles possibly going to save us?" I yelled back to Deadpool.

"You'd be surprised," he said as he pressed a button on a remote. Wait a second, where did he get _that_ from?

_Ahem, what did I tell you about using italics?_

That they're yours.

_And?_

And that was it. All you said was that it was YOUR thing, nothing more, nothing less.

_Oh, well don't use them ever again, or I'll personally drive you to Crazyville, population: YOU!_

That ship has sailed.

_Oh really? The U.S.S. Unstable isn't at its port? That's odd. They said they would be excepting prisoners-er, I mean passengers all year round._

"Been there, done that. And it was surprisingly roomy in that cabin, thank you very much," said Deadpool.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Domino.

"Do I interrupt you when you're trying to have a conversation?" countered Deadpool.

"Well actually you do, quite-"

"I do not! I respect your right for freedom of speech…ha, yeah right. I'm Canadian, sucker! Speaking of Canadians, isn't it high time our even-tempered, metal clawed, and all around nice friend, Wolverine shows up in this fic?"

What?

_What?_

"What?" asked Electro. Why is he still following us?!?

_I think he's lonely._

"What?" asked Domino. And what is SHE still doing here?!?

_Maybe she's lonely too. And nice job of avoiding the italics._

I highly doubt that she's lonely. Isn't she currently a member of some team or other?

_I don't know; do I look like someone who keeps tabs on her?_

Well you very well could, considering I haven't seen your true form yet.

_I'm not a telepath!_

That's what you keep telling me, but you don't sound very convincing.

_Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!_

"What?! I can't hear you over these vampires screeching in my ear! Could you repeat that last part?" yelled Ace, followed by a metallic clang, which I'm guessing meant that Ace finally decided to start hurting the vampires.

_Maybe he threw the spade down at the ground angrily, and started cursing the naked sky about how awful his life is._

I didn't hear any cursing. And why is the sky naked?!

_I don't know! It's an expression! I have absolutely no idea why they say the sky is naked!_

Maybe there's a physical embodiment of the sky and he decided not to wear clothes today!

_That's ridiculous!_

Well there's a physical embodiment of Death, Infinity, Eternity, Eon, and countless others, so why can't there be one of the sky?

_Just because!_

Because why?

_Because I said so._

I hate that rule.

"So do I, kid. It's really annoying when you-" Deadpool was interrupted by the blue-eyed, luck manipulating mutant.

"It's also annoying when people cut you off halfway through your sentences," she said, still running next to us.

"Seriously! What are you doing here anyways?!" I said to her.

She shrugged and continued running, "I actually have no idea."

"Well, the author had to have some character for me to build my jokes upon, right Pirate Pete?" said Deadpool.

"Would you please stop calling me that!" came the reply.

"Not until I get my deposit back," said Deadpool.

"And what's your excuse?" I asked Electro, who was floating along beside me.

"You said we would finish our fight later, and I have nothing else to do." He also shrugged.

"He's also our pathetic villain who gets utterly humiliated at his own cost! Plus, he doubles as an errand boy," said Deadpool.

"I do not!" protested Electro.

"Do so! Now go get me a refreshing beverage," said Deadpool.

"I…I will obey…could be a little nicer about it though," he mumbled the last part.

"What was that last part?" said Deadpool.

"Uh, nothing, I said you're a super nice guy and you deserve to be president."

"That's what I thought you said," said Deadpool menacingly.

Hmm…Deadpool for President. I suddenly pictured a poster of Deadpool pointing at me with the slogan 'Vote for Deadpool' up at the top and the phrase 'Or Else He'll Kill You' printed across the bottom.

_I could totally picture that._

That's because we're the same person, and if I could see it, then so can you.

_Eh, makes sense to me._

Well since it made sense to me, then it'll automatically make sense to you.

_Not unless I do…this!_

Suddenly, I felt a pulling sensation within my entire body. I watched in fascinated horror as an alternate version of myself stood directly across from me, but, since we were still running, I ran right through her. She passed through my solid body like a ghost…or Shadowcat. I glanced back at her, only to find that she was running right behind me. She looked evil: her clothes were black where mine were white and red where mine were gray; she had an evil smile on her evil face and her evil brown hair framed her evil face almost exactly like mine, except more evilly; her green eyes were filled with…you guessed it, evil.

"Wow, it's nice to know you think so highly of me," said a familiar voice.

"What do you mean?" I said out loud. Everyone stared at me.

"I mean I'd be a really good president, thank you very much," said Deadpool, holding onto mine and Domino's hand, and commanding we do the same with whoever we were standing next to. "Quick, everybody hold hands!"

"May I ask why?" asked Electro.

"No you may not…and I thought I told you to go get me a refreshing beverage!" said Deadpool.

"That's right Sophia, you have to hold hands with me," said my evil self.

How can they not hear you?

"I was a part of your subconscious, therefore only you can see and hear me," she said, grabbing my hand.

"Aha! So you _are_ a telepath!" I said to her. The rest of the group stared at me.

"Hey guys! Wait up for me!" called Ace from behind, followed by another metallic clang and some human groaning. I believe Ace has just been disabled. Poor guy.

"I'd rather not wait for a vampire! I prefer being human! Plus Death doesn't like the half-dead, and I want to stay on her good side," said the merc with a mouth. "Hey, it's a title, it needs to be capitalized!" said The Merc with a Mouth. "That's better."

"And this fic just gets crazier and crazier," said my evil self, right before Deadpool teleported us all away. 'Away' meaning the roof of some ugly skyscraper. Wow, we are really high up. I feel like a bird, or a plane, or…SUPERMAN! WHOOSH!!

"Your mind is seriously messed up, you know that?" asked my evil self.

"Yeah, I know," I said out loud. Everyone stared at me.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Domino, probably concerned for my mental health.

"What? I didn't say anything," I said to them to try and get them off my trail.

"Yeah, they aren't suspicious of you or anything like that," said my evil self.

The groups' eyes narrowed simultaneously, like they had planned it out. I couldn't help but giggle. Deadpool shook his head and pulled out a few stapled pieces of paper and flipped through them.

"Ah, here we are." He stopped on one page and said, "Blade will show up sometime soon, so I'm just going to let him handle this."

"…What?" asked Electro.

"And, cue the X-Jet," said Deadpool, pointing at an area next to where we were sitting. And, right on cue, the X-Jet flickered into vision with the stealth mode disabled. It landed on the roof, the boarding bridge came down, and out walked Cyclops, Wolverine, and Jean Grey. Ah, the famous love triangle.

"We heard you could use some help, Wade," said Cyclops.

Deadpool folded his arms across his chest indignantly. "Help? Why would I need that? I've got everything under control," he said as some smoke rose to the sky in the background.

"Doesn't look very 'under control' to me," said Wolverine as he sniffed the air. "Someone smells funny."

"Hey, don't look at me." Wade put his hands up in a motion to keep Wolverine away.

"Not your kind of funny, a bad funny," Wolverine said, looking straight at me.

"How can there be a bad funny?! My funny is actually pretty good, thank you very much," said Deadpool, crossing his arms across his chest once more.

"You just keep thinking that, Wade," said Cyclops.

Jean didn't say anything, but she was looking at me with the same look that Wolverine had. Well, maybe not the _exact _same look, since Wolverine naturally has this fierce look about him, and Jean was noticeably nicer than he was. But it was that kind of look, the searching kind, like she was looking for something. Crap, I forgot she was a telepath. Time to use my mutant ability to read people's emotions.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to concentrate on the emotions of the people around me, and not on the current argument that was going on between Cyclops and Deadpool. Okay, looks like Wolvie is first. I opened my senses to perceive his emotions, and was instantly flooded with the sense of suspicion. Hmm, I suspected as much. Okay, time for Jean. I switched my concentration to Jean and got the same sense of suspicion, only this time, it was layered with a little concern. Cyclops' turn. Again, I switched my concentration over to another form and got some anger and irritation from the leader of the X-Men. Hmm, and you'd think being a leader and all he'd stay a little calmer.

**He's just angry at Wade.**

What the-?! Who are you?!

**Calm down. I'm-**

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**_And things just get crazier and crazier! Special thanks to Quicksilver915 for the idea of Sophia's inner voice coming out. I'm going to use this font for A/N and these endnotes from now on, so you guys don't get confused. Because I know just how confusing I can be. Keep on reviewing!_**


	11. CTTROM,TTMLHIASITMWB!

**_A/N: This chapter is dedicated to all my loyal reviewers. Some of you were lucky enough to get a cameo appearance! Look for them throughout the chapter! XD_**

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Chapter 11: Clown to the Right of Me, Telepath to my Left (Here I Am Stuck In the Middle with BOOM!)

Oh, that makes sense. AHHHHHHH!!!

**Calm down. Why are you screaming?**

What? Was I doing that out loud, too?

Jean looked up at me with concern in her eyes. "Yes, now please stop screaming."

I blinked in surprise and looked around. Everyone was staring at me yet again, including Deadpool.

"What?" I asked innocently. "Oh my gosh, look over there! Robot Pirates from space!" I pointed at a patch of empty air then sat down and rubbed my temples. How did I get such a killer headache? Ow.

"HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" somebody yelled/laughed. Wait a minute…that doesn't sound like any of the people who were here before…

"AHH!! Evil clown! Die, die, die," shouted Deadpool, shooting his guns at the newcomer, "die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, DIE!!!" Ow, all this shooting really isn't helping my headache. Who is the newcomer, anyways?

"Look for yourself," my evil self said to me smugly.

"I really don't like you," I said, turning my head to where the action was. 'Action' meaning whoever Deadpool was shooting at.

What I saw both shocked and amazed me…Well at least it wasn't a Robot Pirate from space…

I was looking at a clown wearing a yellow clown suit (don't ask me how that looks like, it's hard to explain) and carrying…

"Is that a chainsaw?!!!" I said to the clown.

"HAHAHAHA!" was the reply.

"DIE CLOWN!! Hope you like lead, cause you're going to get more than your daily dosage! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!" Deadpool continued to shoot the clown.

"Wade stop! Let's just sit down and talk this out like the mature adults we are," said Jean as she waved her hand in the clowns' direction. The clown rose from the ground and flailed his limbs around, trying to keep balance while suspended in midair, and Deadpool's guns flew out of his hands and onto the rooftop.

"Him? Mature? Now that's funny, Jeanie, I didn't know you had a sense of humor," said Wolverine, holding back Deadpool from the clown. I don't know why, but clowns have never actually scared me before, so why is Deadpool afraid of them?

"He's not afraid. Don't let him hear you call him the 'a' word," replied my evil self, "and would you stop calling me evil?!"

"Well, I can't exactly call you my 'inner voice' now can I?" I replied. Jean glanced at me worriedly and the others stared at me like I was crazy.

"What?" I asked them.

Cyclops shook his head and helped Wolverine move Deadpool into the X-Jet. Jean floated into the jet, taking the clown along with her. I followed up the little ramp and clambered into one of the unoccupied seats between the clown and Jean. Electro glanced up at the jet, shook his head and walked away. Domino jumped into the jet and sat directly next to the exit door. Deadpool was seated directly across from me, with Wolverine on his left and Cyclops on his right.

Wait, if they're there, then who's flying the jet?!?!

"Called it!" said my evil self from up next to the pilot's seat in the cockpit.

"No way! You're a figment of my imagination! You are not allowed to drive!" I shouted.

"I'm a figment of your imagination?" said a masculine voice that definitely wasn't my evil self.

"Ummmm…No?" I answered uncertainly.

"Well that's good. For a second there, I thought I didn't know if I actually existed or not." The pilot's seat swiveled around and I saw who the pilot was. His body was coated with ice and he was wearing one of the matching X-Men uniforms. He must be Iceman. He pinched his arm and said, "It's okay everyone! I'm not imaginary!"

"Thank goodness. You really had me worried there for a second, Bobby. Now can we please get out of here?" asked one of the girl X-Men I didn't recognize. I swear I've seen her before, too! Ah, what was her name?

"And why are you in such a hurry, Kitty?" asked Iceman, folding his hands behind his head as he leaned back in the chair. Ah, that was her name. Kitty. I knew she looked familiar. Bobby continued; "Got a hot date with Piotr tonight?"

Kitty blushed crimson and looked at the floor.

"Hey everybody! Guess what!" said Deadpool excitedly from his seat between Cyclops and Wolverine. They had strapped him in with eight different seatbelts, but I doubt that would hold him.

The X-Jet was silent except for a faint ticking off to my right-hand side. The clown's side. If that isn't foreshadowing, I don't know what is.

Finally, somebody couldn't take the tension any longer.

"What?" asked Domino.

"There's a horde of vampires outside the window!" Deadpool replied with a smile.

"What?!" Bobby almost yelled. He swiveled around in his chair and frantically started pressing buttons. "Everybody, prepare for a sudden liftoff. We're getting out of here alive." He said the last part in a serious tone that would normally be heard on an army general.

"Hold up, bub. I forgot about this," Wolverine said as he picked up the clown's powered down chainsaw and tossed it out the opening, followed by a dull thud and a voice that sounded strangely like my brother's, saying; "What the-? Is this a chainsaw?"

Weird how he would be the one catching it…

"He's a vampire now. Of course he would catch it!" said my evil self, standing right in front of me. The Jet began to take off and suddenly we were high in the air and I was clutching at my seatbelt for dear life. "Oh, and by the way, there's a reason people have to go through security gates at the airport."

"And what might that be?" I asked softly with my head turned towards the floor. God I hate flying.

"Bombs."

"You have got to be kidding me! Where's it at?" I sat up straight in my chair, ignoring the stares from the others along with my nervous stomach.

My evil self smiled, well, evilly, and pointed to my right. The clown. I should've guessed.

"Yeah, you should've."

"Shut up, you," I told my evil self as I turned to the silent clown. Why is he so silent?

I looked up at his mouth and noticed that it had duct-tape covering it. Ohh. Duct-tape. That explains it.

I suddenly reached over and violated his personal bubble by pulling up his shirt, revealing a red blinking device that looked suspiciously like a bomb. Everyone on the jet gasped except for me, Iceman, Deadpool, and the clown, but that was probably because his mouth was taped shut and Bobby wasn't looking. Deadpool and I just weren't surprised.

"Crap," I said simply, pulling the duct-tape off of the clown's mouth. He screeched in pain and looked at me with hate in his eyes.

"Why are you strapped to a bomb?" I asked him. He didn't respond. Almost immediately, my mind went into hotwiring mode. I pulled out a knife from one of my pockets and went to work on the casing. I pried the casing off, revealing a mass of gray wires.

"Dang…" I said. "Which one do I cut?"

"How about the gray one?" snickered my evil self.

"You're no help…" I replied softly.

"Um…who are you talking to?" asked Domino.

"Well, since I'm not talking to any of you, I must be talking to myself," I said simply, holding up a bunch of gray wires in my hands. "Which one do you think I should cut?"

"The gray one?" said Cyclops uncertainly.

"Uggh! I can't remember which one to cut! Was it the gray one, the other gray one, or the _other_ other gray one?!" I said frantically.

"Hush, young Padawan. Remember your training," said my evil self, holding her hands together and bowing her head.

"Shut up you! You're no help! And what training have I gotten?" I yelled at my evil self. The others stared at me again.

"Um, Sophia? Are you okay?" asked Jean worriedly. I glanced at her and looked back at the mass of wires in my hands.

"Do you think I'm okay?" I asked her sarcastically. Of course I'm not okay! I talk to myself, my thoughts are crazy, I hallucinate, and I probably have a split personality! And to add to all of that, I have Deadpool as a mentor, I don't like cats, and there are telepaths reading my thoughts! I know you're there, Jean, I can sense you.

**Sophia, you need to calm down.**

Answer my question, out loud.

"I don't feel comfortable answering that question," said Jean from my left-hand side. I shook my head slowly and picked up a gray wire.

"Gee, thanks. That makes me feel so much better about myself," I said as I took my knife to the wire's casing. And why isn't Deadpool saying anything?

"Ah, the wonders of Duct-tape," said my evil self from over next to an unconscious Wade. "Too bad I didn't have any. Good thing you had this rock handy." She held up a rock. Wait…she can pick stuff up?!

"Sure can! I have a physical manifestation, so I can pick stuff up! Here's your rock back." She threw the rock back to me and I caught it. I wonder what the others can see, when they look at where you're standing…

"Easy one: a floating rock," replied my evil self.

"A floating rock? Seriously? That's ridiculous," I said, turning back to the bomb on the clown's stomach.

"Cindy! …Whoa, who turned out the lights? Is there a party going on, and I didn't get invited? How dare you not invite me!" Deadpool struggled against his restraints and Wolverine put a hand on his chest to hold him back.

"No, bub. We got bigger problems than some party gone wrong. There's a bomb strapped to this clown." Wolverine pointed a claw at the clown in question.

"I hope you aren't calling me the clown." Deadpool peeled up his shirt and looked at his scarred stomach. It was bomb-free. "Phew, that was a close one."

"Let's see here… Mr. Wilson, which one do you think I should pick?" I showed him the wires in my hands.

"Hmmm…The pink one! Definitely the pink one!" he replied cheerily.

"But…there aren't any pink ones," I answered confusedly.

"Wha? But there's always a pink wire! How could there not be a pink wire?" asked Deadpool incredulously. "You got rid of the pink wire, didn't you Mr. Bub?!"

"What?" asked Wolverine.

"You heard me! And-Ooof! Why is Hawkeye flying around my head with Copycat? …Get away from her you son of a-oooof!" With that Deadpool fell unconscious yet again. I looked up at my evil self, who was holding the rock once more.

"Why? You know what, I don't even want to know," I said to her.

"I doubt you would like the answer anyway," my evil self replied.

I glanced at the timer on the bomb. It read '0:14'. Oh crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! I unbuckled myself along with the clown and roughly pulled him out of his seat and over to the entrance of the jet. The others looked at me in shock as I pressed the little button to lower the ramp. They stood--or rather sat--in horrified astonishment as I carefully pushed the clown off the little ramp. He fell to the Earth relatively slowly, must be that clown suit at work. Suddenly, with no warning at all, there was a huge fiery mushroom cloud where the clown had just been, and to go along with this lovely sight, there was also a huge exploding sound like 'Ba-booooooooooooom!' The force of the explosion blew my hair away from my face because I wasn't wearing my protective mask. That was mostly because I don't like wearing it because it makes my face sweaty and it messes up my hair. I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

"Good job, Knifepoint. Couldn't have done it any better myself…well I could, but that wouldn't be very supportive of me," said Deadpool, conscious once more.

"Who's Knifepoint? And you do know that I could've just phased through the bomb at any moment and quietly disarmed it, didn't you?" asked Kitty, breaking out of her shock long enough to ask a question.

"That gal right there! And your way is no fun!" Deadpool grinned and pointed at me. Everyone stared at me once more. Do you know how weird it feels to have some of the X-Men stare at you like you're crazy? Pretty dang weird, I'll say.

"You changed my name from Jacknife to Knifepoint? Why?" I asked him as I swiftly returned to my seat while avoiding everyone else's gaze.

"Well, we wouldn't want Jackknife coming around here and yelling at you cause you stole his name, now would we? He doesn't play very nice and his breath stinks," said Deadpool, playing with one of his eight seatbelts.

"Okay, well I guess that settles that. Who's up for pizza?" asked Iceman calmly from the cockpit of the plane.

"ARRR! I be Captain Deadpool, and ya better listen ta me, or else I'll make ya walk the plank!" I looked over at Deadpool, who was now wearing a pirate hat atop his crimson masked head. Where did he get that from?!

"It's Deadpool, where wouldn't he get it from?" asked my evil self.

"I really don't like you…" I hissed to my evil self, getting curious stares from the others.

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**_Ta-DAAA!! Another crazy chapter completed! Zarsthor, you're represented in this chapter as Sophia's evil self, mostly because you said you were a villain and that you would change all the wires to gray. Oh, and I'm sure you would do all the things she does in this chapter. So there! Review, my loyal readers, review!_**


	12. Libraries and Lists

**_Peoples, this chapter is brought to you by the letter 'R'!_**

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Chapter 12: Libraries and Lists

I blinked several times and the pirate hat atop Deadpool's head disappeared, along with whatever remained of my sanity, which was very little.

"You bet," commented my evil self. I really should give her a name…

The jet was quiet for the rest of the trip.

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My eyes opened slowly to a bald man leaning over me with a concerned expression on his face.

"My name is Charles Xavier. I'm the Professor of the school for Gifted Youngsters, otherwise known as mutants," he said carefully. I tried to sit up but was held back by two straps on my wrists, made of leather. Now that I thought about it, my backside seemed cold compared to the rest of me.

"Um…Okay…Why am I strapped to a metal table?" I asked.

"You passed out on our jet and tried to kick some of my students while you were unconscious. We strapped you down to prevent harm to not only yourself, but to those around you." When he said that, two words came to my mind: Evil Self. I glanced around the room, but didn't see her anywhere. Oh darrrrrrrrrn…She'll be missed ever so much.

_Didn't we talk about this before? I swear we did._

Darn. I really thought you were gone this time. Really, I did.

_Yeah right, as if you could get rid of me that easily._

Well at least I won't be talking out loud to myself, now that you're back inside me.

_I wouldn't be too sure of that, crazy._

Professor Xavier reached over and released me from the table after I didn't respond. Wait, I've heard about him before. Isn't he a telepath?

**That I am. I'm a mutant just like you.**

I already knew you were a mutant. I was just wondering why I was strapped to a table, but since that answer has already been given… What now?

**I'll take you upstairs to meet some of my students. I'm aware of your…gifts.**

So you know about my current level of sanity?

**Yes, and you shall not be judged here.**

And you know about my "sensitivity" to others' feelings?

**But of course. That's part of the reason you're here.**

And finally,

_But most importantly._

You know about…her?

_He better…_

**Yes, I do. That is another reason why you're here. To get help for that.**

_Now I'm a 'that'? Jeez, that hurts. It really does._

**I'm sorry.**

How did she come back inside?

**One of my students gave you some medicine while you were unconscious. You put up quite a fight, injured four of my students with your kicking. You'll need to take some more medicine to keep her inside.**

The professor pressed a small bottle into my hand, which I then put into one of my many pockets.

**Now please, if you'll follow me downstairs to the others…**

Um, okay. Is Deadpool down there?

_Why would you want know that? It's not like he's trained you yet._

That's what I intend to take care of…

**Yes, he's down there. **

The professor helped me sit up on the table, and I jumped off enthusiastically and observed my surroundings. Blank gray metal walls, and sterile counters with beakers of some sort. A few gurney-type things sat in the middle of the room, with me standing next to the one closest to the big metal door with an 'X' printed on it. We moved up next to it and it slid open noiselessly.

The professor motioned for me to follow so I did, slowly at first, but gaining speed after awhile. The halls were decorated with bookshelves of all kinds, and younger students were coming and going from doorways, carrying books and other items. I walked up next to Professor Xavier's wheelchair and kept pace with him until we came to an elevator.

The doors to Prof. X's office opened, revealing a room of bored mutants pretending to listen to my mentor, Deadpool. Deadpool kept walking the length of the room, whilst telling the group an enrapturing tale about the time when he managed to escape capture from some ninjas by wearing a clever disguise made up of shark scales, toothpicks, cotton swabs, and taco shells. Oh, and a fake mustache. Can't forget about the fake mustache.

_Because fake mustaches are sooo important._

They are.

Professor X motioned for me to sit in an empty chair, so I sat between Wolverine and a guy I didn't know. Wolverine smelled of beer and looked bored out of his mind, and the guy who sat on my right smelled of paint and spoke in a Russian accent. Professor X calmly went over to his desk and sat his wheelchair behind it.

"You all know what we're here for, don't you students?" he began in a calm voice. I leaned back in my creaking chair, earning me an annoyed look from Wolverine. I stopped leaning in my chair to avoid getting a claw in the gut.

The students grumbled their replies and some of them looked relieved to have someone to listen to other than Deadpool.

"We're here to introduce ourselves to Miss Dyhar over there," Prof. X continued on and waved his hand in my general direction. Several students looked over at me and I made a pact to keep my mouth shut and let the others do the talking.

"Whaat? Why are you doing that? She's _my _apprentice. If you let her in, you'll have to let me in too," said Deadpool, breaking from his story and throwing a challenging look at the professor. Someone sighed.

"Wade, we've been over this before. You aren't a mutant now, and you never will be," said a furry blue man in the corner.

This only further exacerbated Wade's beliefs on the matter.

_Ooh, that's a big word._

What? "Exacerbated"?

_No, "beliefs". Because it has a long explanation in the dictionary._

Um, okay. Why would you know this?

_Well I had to do something while you were knocked out cold._

You mean besides hurting innocent mutants with my feet?

_Heheh…I was bored, and you can't prove that was me._

Whatever. I know it was you, and that's all that matters.

I tuned my focus back to the professor, who was trying to calm down Deadpool with hand gestures and meaningful gazes.

"Don't try that mind junk with me, X! It never works! Let's go Sophia, we have work to do." With those few words, Deadpool stormed out of the room.

"Deadpool, it's getting late. Why don't you stay here for the night?" asked Professor X. This was immediately met by groans from all the students.

Deadpool's head popped back in the doorway. "You're actually inviting me to stay here for the night?!" he asked in shock.

"Yeah Chuck, you're actually inviting him to stay here for the night?" asked Wolverine.

"Yes, I am. I believe it will be good for him and his apprentice," replied the professor. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to retire for the evening." With that Prof. X wheeled himself out of the room, followed by several of the students and Wolverine, until there were only three people in the room besides Deadpool and myself.

_And me!_

And you. So the only people left besides me and Deadpool-

_AND ME!_

And you, were Kitty, the guy that had sat next to me and smelled of paint, and some girl who looked like a girl version of Wolverine. Deadpool grabbed my shoulder and said; "We've got some new plans for this evening. And it involves the word 'Danger'! Open this when you're alone." Then he snickered to himself and went off into the kitchen after handing me a folded piece of paper.

"Danger…?" I said to myself.

_Hahahahaha! It makes sense to me! Hahahahahaha!_

**Kitty, could you please escort our guest to the guest room?**

"Yes Professor," she said out loud then looked at me. "Here, follow me to your room."

"Um, okay," I answered uncertainly. To be honest with you, I have no idea what's going on. My mind is too tired, even after that nap, to think about more than one thing at a time. Right now I'm thinking about how tired I am. I followed Kitty numbly up the stairs and to an empty bedroom.

"Here you are. The guest room. Enjoy your stay!" said Kitty happily as she skipped away, most likely to be with the guy who smells like paint.

"Thanks…" I said, looking at the carefully made bed and neat dresser on the side wall. That reminds me! I don't have any extra clothes with me!

_Sucks for you._

Yeah. That reminds me, we have some things to sort out.

_Like what?_

Like how you can have a physical form that only I can see.

_Oh that? Simple: Your brain is crazy, so I split myself from it and created my own physical body that lasts for a limited time. While in that body, the longer I am out of your head allows for my body to gain independence from yours, which also allows for my body to pick up objects in the real world, and still not be able to be seen by other people in the real world. Does that make sense?_

……Yeah…Kinda… And what happened to Ace?

_He got turned into a vampire while fighting them back with an anti-zombie gardening implement. He might be getting hunted down by Blade this very moment though, so I'm not assured of his safety. If he survives Blade, he'll be a much darker character than before. What's on that folded piece of paper Deadpool gave you?_

What this? I don't know, I think it's-

_Open it up, open it up!_

Fine! I'll open the folded piece of paper! Happy now?

_Not until you read what was written! But you'll need a separate style for the letter._

What?

_Never mind, just read it!_

Okay.

I opened up the folded piece of paper to reveal a list of some sort, in Deadpool's handwriting. Let's see here……It's a to-do list. Fun.

_Did you see the items on the list? Those ARE fun!_

Okay, time to read number one!

_** 1. Interrupt a training session in the Danger Room by ridiculous means.**_

Ridiculous means? What does that mean?

_Guess we'll find out. Let's go!_

But it's nighttime! Who's going to be training in the middle of the night?

_You'd be surprised. Come on!_

Can't I get some sleep first?

_Heheheh…If you insist._

What-? Why are you laughing? Tell me!

_You'll see. Night Sophia!_

Why are you-? Ooooohhh…

My vision faded to black and as soon as my consciousness lost its grip on my body, I felt another take control…This cannot end well for me…

"No it cannot," said my voice from outside my mind. It sounded…evil. Inner self took control of my body…Holy crap! Inner Self took control of my body!

"Go back to sleep now, Sophia," replied my voice, followed by a mental strike to my consciousness. Sound faded, along with the lights and all feeling in my limbs. My mind slipped into forced unconsciousness, while my Inner Self had control of my body……yay…

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**_And this concludes the chapter brought to you by the letter 'R'! Review people, review!_**


	13. Backseat Driver

**_A/N: By request of a reviewer, I was going to put a girl named Daisy in this chapter. But then I decided not to, since having a girl named Daisy infiltrate the X-Mansion just to talk to herself seems a little farfetched. So she will be coming in the next chapter! Yays!_**

**_Random Quote of the Day: "Slow and steady usually wins the race, but it depends on who's the tortoise and who's the hare."- Ultimate Hybrid (aka, Me!)_**

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Chapter 13: Backseat Driver

Some unknown time later, I found my body passed out on a table, wearing a clown nose, neon green shoes, a really puffy wig, melted candle wax, and one of those inflatable pumpkin costumes you wear for Halloween. God, what _happened_?

Oh yeah, Inner Voice took control of my body after knocking me unconscious. Yeah, not so great.

Wait, where the heck am I?

I tried to move my neck, but to no avail. Yeah, this really isn't going well for me.

"Oooof…" muttered my body. I didn't say that though…Right, Inner Voice did. Hmm…

Wait! That means I'm the inner voice now! I wonder if I can send thoughts like she can…

_Testing. Testing. 1, 2, 3. Do, re, me, fa, so, la, ti, do! Doe, a deer, a female deer! Ray, a drop of golden sun! Me, a name I call-_

"Would you just shut up already?" asked the other voice that was mine, but not in my control. _**She's figured out how to send thoughts…She's smarter than I thought…and more annoying,**_ thought my Evil Self. Cool! I can read her thoughts and she can't hear mine!

_Whoa! It worked! I mean, AHEM, no, I will not shut up. That's like telling yourself to stop talking. Oh wait, it's the same thing! Silly me._

"God, you really are annoying," replied my Evil Self. I guess she really is evil after all…Huh. Who woulda guessed? _**Will this girl ever stop talking? She just goes on and on and on…**_

_You do realize that you're speaking aloud right now, don't you?_

I felt my body frown and look around. _**What? **_

Thinking quickly, I tapped into my eyesight and hearing so that I would know what was going on.

"Sophia? What are you doing in here?" asked a surprised voice I quickly identified as Iceman's. He knows my name!

_**Crap, gotta think up a response.**_

_Tell him you were sleep walking. Since technically, I was._

_**But I was in control! I had everything under control!**_

I noticed a shift in Bobby's mood from surprise to irritation as my body didn't respond. It was weird, but when I'm not in control, I can feel more of people's emotions, like they were enhanced or something. Or maybe _I_ was enhanced…

_Hurry up, he's getting mad!_

"Whaa? Where am I?" My body said in a fake groggy voice. _**Hopefully that'll stall him long enough for me to think up a real reply... **_That a girl! Wait, why am I cheering for my Evil Self? I need to figure out a way to get back into control.

Have you ever felt like a backseat driver? I have. **In my own mind.** Seriously, it's like sitting in the backseat of my mind and being helpless to where it goes, now that Evil Self has control of the steering wheel. Hopefully I have on my seatbelt…

Apparently I had missed part of the conversation, because when I tuned back in, my Evil Self was quickly taking off all of the weird stuff my body had been wearing. I zoned out again when my body started walking up towards my guest room.

Okay, need to come up with a plan. Hmm…I don't know where to begin. Maybe I should try for a lapse in attention…Nope, that's not going to work; my Evil Self is too focused for that. Maybe I should- What the heck is that?

A random brown wooden door floated into my thoughts. It had a shiny brass knob, nice furnished frame, and non-squeaky hinges. What is it…?

Reaching slowly with my mind, I pulled the shiny knob and was instantly flooded with information. **It's the closet at the back of my mind, referred to in chapter 3.** My voice, yes my actual voice, reverberated around me, almost like surround sound, all inside my head. The sound bounced around for a bit, making my thoughts unfocused and jumbled.

Wait, I need to find information about how Evil Self got control of my body. Sifting through the random collections of memories long forgotten, and thoughts I never should have thought, I finally found what I was looking for: baking recipes. Hahahahaha! I finally remember how to make a killer chocolate cake! Oh, and how to get my mind back from my Evil Self.

Remember way back in chapter 3, when my Inner Voice said something about 'baking recipes may just save your life.'? Well, I did, and I believe I may have found the correct recipes that will get me my life back. Coconut cream pie. Oh yeah. My life is going to be saved by a pie. I bet you're all jealous.

After minutes of studying the recipe, I finally felt able to recite it to my Evil Self.

_Ahem, pie crust, coconut juice, cream,-_

"What are you doing?" _**She found the closet…NOOO!**_

_What? This? Oh it's just my recipe for GETTING MY LIFE BACK!_ I really hope this works. Really, I do. Otherwise my Evil Self will just hold this against me.

"Just download one on the internet," chuckled my Evil Self. _**Darn, she's really too clever. After this is over, I really have to remember to apologize to her.**_

_Currently, I'm not able to access the internet, courtesy of you. And SHAZAM!_

There was a little click in the back of my mind as the magical word magically moved my consciousness back into the magical front seat, well magically, and my Evil Self's evil mind moved to the backseat which I will now call the 'Seat of Enlightenment' because of my awesome little introspection I had with the door and my mind surround sound. That was pretty cool, I must admit. How I knew SHAZAM was the magic word, I have no idea.

"HAHA!" I laughed out loud, glad that I had finally managed to regain control of my neck. Oh neck, how I've missed moving you so!

_Yeah, yeah, can we get on with it now?_

I believe you owe me an apology.

_You heard that? Dang…_

Yeah, I did. Now give me my apology and a promise to never take over my body again, and we'll call it even.

_Just like that?_

Yeah, just like that.

_I'm sorry for taking over our body and I promise to never try it again._

That's a good girl. I'm also getting rid of all of your memories of how you took over my body.

…_You can do that?_

Yeah. I think.

Digging through the memories I had stolen from my mind's closet, I found how she had managed to take over my body and imagined pressing a 'delete' button for it. My mind went blank.

What am I doing here in my mind's closet…? I forget.

_Me too. What are we supposed to be doing?_

Um…Doing whatever's on this list Deadpool gave me?

_Works for me._

Okay…

I took the list out of one of my pockets and glanced at number 1, which had a little check mark next to it.

Why is there a check mark next to number 1? I don't remember doing that one.

_I don't know. I don't remember doing that one either._

Whoa, this is weird. Okay then, I guess we just go onto the next one then.

_I guess so._

_**2. Stall the Brotherhood of Mutants.**_

Stall the Brotherhood of Mutants?

_Ooh, sounds fun!_

Um, okay.

I rubbed my temples and moved slowly towards the door. What's this cylindrical thing in my pocket…?

_I don't know. I can't remember anything about a cylindrical thing._

Hmm…… This is weird…

I pulled the container out of my pocket, revealing it to be a small container of pills. What the heck are these for?

_I don't know. Why can't we remember anything?!_

I don't know!! This is freaky on so many levels!

_ARGH!! I can't stand not knowing things!_

Me neither!

_ARGH!_

Sigh, maybe we should just do this list and hope our memory returns to us.

_Deal._

Now how are we going to stall the Brotherhood?

_We could give them the complete history of bananas._

But I don't know the complete history of bananas.

_Oh._

Hmm… Well, I suppose I could stall them with something about tacos.

_I think tacos will work. They ARE pretty distracting._

Yeah, I know. I know.

_Okay…_

What?

_I said okay…_

Oh, okay then.

_TACOS!!_

What?

_I said TACOS!!_

Oh. Well, I guess we should be working on stalling the Brotherhood.

_Wasn't that what we were doing?_

Was it? I don't know. I can't remember.

_Uh-oh. This isn't good._

What isn't good?

_Oh no. This really isn't good._

Maybe we should get to work on that list.

_And maybe we should go see the Professor. He might be able to help us._

Help us with what?

_Uh, you'll find out. This isn't good._

What isn't good?

_Nothing! Everything's fine! We need the professor's help with making tacos!_

What do tacos have to do with anything?

_AAAAGHHH!_

Why are you screaming in frustration?

…_No reason. I just really want some tacos, and we need THE PROFESSOR'S HELP to make them so that they TURN OUT OKAY._

Why were you shouting some words and not others? Did I miss something?

_Ugh, no. You didn't miss anything. Except your short-term memory._

What? Maybe we should get started on this list.

_THAT'S WHAT WE WERE DOING!! _

What's what we were doing?

_AAAAGHHH! NEVER MIND!_

Never mind what?

_You know what? Nothing. I wasn't saying anything important for the past five minutes._

You were talking for the past five minutes?

Needless to say, I was confused. What the heck was she talking about? I don't remember her saying anything.

_Oh no. This is really bad._

What's really bad?

_AAGH!_

I frowned. I really don't get it. Why is she so angry? And what's she angry about?

_I'm angry because we aren't going to go see THE PROFESSOR about those TACOS._

Why would the Professor know about tacos?

_Ugh, I was speaking in code!_

Code for what? Ooh, pretty bird out the window…

_This is hopeless._

What's hopeless?

_You!_

Why am I hopeless?

_You have short-term memory loss, and it's pretty bad!_

Who has short-term memory loss? Ooh, pretty birdie out the window…

_You just said that seven seconds ago!_

I said what seven seconds ago? I don't remember what happened seven seconds ago. Ooh, pretty birdie…

_AGHH!!_

Jeez, why are you so angry all of a sudden?

_All of a sudden? You really don't know what's going on with you, do you?_

What? Ooh, pretty birdie…

_And that's exactly why we need the Professor's help._

Who needs the Professor's help?

_We do! That's what I've been trying to tell you!_

I frowned. Seriously, what is she talking about? I don't remember. Oh, now I see the problem.

_EXACTLY!!_

Exactly what?

_AGH! And I thought you had it this time!_

Had what?

_Ugh, never mind. Forget I said anything._

You were talking to me?

_Never mind._

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**_I know this chapter was kind of short, but I really had nothing more to add on to it! Hope you enjoyed it though! 'I don't have short-term mem- What were we talking about?' Hahaha, I love this line. Anywho, review! It makes Ultimate Hybrid a very happy author._**


	14. All 'Knives' Are Crazy

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_Author's Note: Okay folks, I know it's been a long time. But guess what? This chapter actually has some sort of plot! Yay! Dang I want some tacos..._

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**Chapter 14: All 'Knives' Are Crazy**

I woke up in an austere metal room, strapped to a cold metallic table of some sort or other, and I can't get this one thought out of my mind: I want tacos.

That and I can't really remember how I got here…

Oh well! I'll figure that out later. First I gotta get me some tacos!

_Uh, Sophia? _

Yes, voice in my head?

_How exactly do you plan on getting those tacos?_

Simple: I'll walk through the door, head down the street and find me a taco vendor. Easy peasy!

_Okay, I hate to burst your bubble, but there's one small problem with that plan of yours._

And what might that be?

_There's no door here._

Oh.

I glanced around, and, as strange as it may seem, my inner voice was telling the truth: there was no door. There didn't seem to be an exit of any kind either. No door, no windows, no air vent in the ceiling. Oh no! I'm trapped inside a box! Good thing I'm not claustrophobic. So how did I get in here…?

_Hey, don't look at me. I have no idea how this happened. You had short-term memory loss and I somehow tricked you into taking your pills, last time I remember before everything went black._

I think we may have gotten apprentice-napped.

_May? Thank you ever so much, Captain Obvious, for pointing that fact out. Who knows what I would have done without your clever guidance._

Oh stop! You're embarrassing me!

_I think you're doing that pretty well all by yourself._

That is probably true. But I don't care right now. I want me some tacos.

_Figure a way out of this room and you can have your tacos. Then we can find Deadpool and-_

I don't know if we should go back to Deadpool until we've completed everything on our list.

_Good point. And you know, there's always those X-Freaks to keep him entertained. _

I seriously doubt they'll let him stay there more than one night.

_Yeah._

So… How do I get out of here?

_Explosives?_

My hands dove deep into my pockets, searching for some explosives of some kind, but came up empty.

Nope, no explosives.

_Adamantium scissors?_

Adamantium scissors? Where did I get those?

_The Noir universe._

What-?

_Don't ask questions. Just thank the Clown._

Thanks Clown! Happy?

_Very._

I dug around inside my pocket and mysteriously came up with a pair of scissors with adamantium blades. Oooooh, pointy!

_Careful!_

I pulled my finger back away from the blade swiftly, avoiding a cut from the nearly unbreakable metal.

_Now cut the straps binding you to the metal table._

I followed these instructions carefully and cut the straps clumsily just to annoy her, then hopped off the table and waltzed over to a wall.

Now what? Stab the wall with my scissors?

_Actually, yes. But first make sure there's an open corridor behind that wall before you start getting shank-happy._

I held my hands back in the air, mid-stab, then tapped softly on the wall with my free knuckle, producing a metallic sound that echoed for awhile then stopping. It's hallow! Yay! With a grand motion, I pulled the scissors back behind my head then brought them down hard into the gray metal. They went all the way through the wall, (a whole inch!) then stopped when it hit air. The scissors came back out with a tug, and I put my head up against the hole to see what the outside of this box looked like. I'll describe the scene to you: there's a dark-lit hallway, little emergency lights along the little grate-like walkway, and a guy in a blue and white uniform carrying a gun walks by my wall. A soft whirring sound is coming from outside.

Holy crap, I think I'm inside a SHIELD helicarrier. Must escape. But how?

_Maybe you should ask why you're here first. That might help your little memory problem._

Good idea!

"Excuse me, sir! Hello? Can you please turn around? I have to ask you a question!" I shout out to the guard. He turns around with a stern expression on his face, and I can tell he doesn't like being on guard duty.

"No talking in the detainment area. Orders from Commander Hill herself," the dude shoots back at me in monotone. Jeez, where do they train these guys, the library?

_They have a state of the art training facility and-_

It was a rhetorical question, sheesh!

_Oh._

"I'm sorry officer," I search his torso for a nametag of some sort. There is none. "Excuse me, but what's your name, Mr. Officer, sir?"

The guard looks taken aback by my politeness then answers in a slightly surprised tone: "Martinez."

Score 1 for etiquette!

"Okay, Mr. Martinez, do you mind telling me why I'm here in a metal room instead of the X-Mansion?" I asked in my mesmerizing tone of voice I was getting better at using. Man do I love being a mutant!

The guard's eyes grow wider underneath his visor and he seems more relaxed than before. In an almost hypnotized manner, he replies: "Tony Stark accused you of stealing his credit card and not being registered under the SHRA. He then tracked you down and took you out of Westchester and handed you over to us after getting his credit card back. Commander Hill wants you to sign the Act."

Wait a minute- Ultimate Hybrid, what continuity is this?

_**Absolutely no idea. I'm pretty sure everything besides the metal room is a hallucination. Wonderful job of breaking the fourth wall, though.**_

Thanks, I learned from the best.

_Uh, guys?_

Yes?

_**Yes?**_

_If we aren't on a SHIELD helicarrier, where the heck are we?_

No idea.

_**In a metal room. Once you stop hallucinating, the path will be clear to you.**_

_Jedi much?_

_**Yep. Peace out, yo!**_

Well that was weird.

_Yep._

I'm gonna close my eyes now and forget that this ever happened.

* * *

One extremely weird and colorful dream sequence later:

I opened my eyes to find myself strapped to a metal table inside a padded room. Crap. I think I'm inside a mental hospital.

_Ya think?_

Yeah, I do actually.

_What a surprise! I didn't know you could think! Good job, Knifepoint!_

Thanks. Enough with the sarcasm from you.

_Okay._

I tried moving my hand over to my pocket only to find that it was restrained by a metal cuff thing. I actually have no idea what they're called, since I've never been inside a mental hospital before… Anyways! I moved my body closer to my hand in order to help it reach inside my pocket. My fingers stretched and grazed the tip of a weapon. Dang! So close! Now if I can just get it closer…

"Not so cool being stranded here, now is it, Miss Dyhar? Or should I say… Jacknife?" a raspy voice over the intercom interrupts me.

"Actually, it's Knifepoint now," I respond with a smirk.

"Oh. Well in that case I don't know why I kidnapped you," the voice continued.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"The name's Jackknife, girly." Suddenly, a section of the padded wall fell inward towards me, and a hooded figure stood in the opening.

Jackknife?

_Serial killer from another Marvel Universe._

Ah. That makes sense.

_I should mention he's also a-_

"Telepath," Jackknife interjected. "Yes, I'm a telepath."

"How did you get here?" I asked him, twisting my hand to try and get it free.

"Well, back in my universe, a menace by the name of X-Man and me fought, and I woke up in a hospital. The nurses were shocked and said it was impossible for me to get out of my 'vegetative state' supposedly. So I killed them and somehow got myself to this universe. I set a bomb in a guy named Stark's building, then saw you on the news defusing it. Spent a couple days tracking you down, which wasn't that hard, and found ya in the 'X-Mansion' lookin confused. Then I drugged ya and brought you here, to an undisclosed location."

It took a minute for this to soak into my 'drugged and hazy' brain…

"Wait… so that was you who set a bomb up in Tony's building?" I'll admit, my voice wasn't exactly calm…

"Yeah. Didn't I just say that?"

_Sorry, she's still recovering from her short-term memory loss last chapter._

"I see," was the response.

"Are you crazy? You could've killed dozens of innocent people?" Again, my voice was slightly hysterical, and not in the 'funny' sense.

"Hello? Serial killer, ring a bell? I kill people for the fun of it? Huh, and I thought you were being trained to be a mercenary. My mistake!" Jackknife shot back. His eyes glowed red underneath his odd looking hood. The hood itself hid most of his face and was mad out of various scraps of other tattered garments. Probably from his victims…

"Oh. My bad. I guess you really are crazy. Now can you tell me why I'm strapped to a metal table thing, Jackknife?" I asked in my mesmerizing tone, hoping to hypnotize him. I was greeted with a sharp pain inside my head so intense it made me call out in pain.

"Sorry girl, but your mind tricks don't work on me. I'm a telepath specializing in mental pain! There's no point in hypnotizing me!"

I gave him a death glare.

He rolled his eyes then continued: "Listen here, girl, as strange as it may seem, I wanted to kill you for using my name in this universe…" he trailed off.

"And?" I prodded him. He cast me an annoyed glance and continued yet again.

"But since you changed your name to 'Knifepoint' I don't think I will."

I breathed a sigh of relief. He raised an eyebrow but kept going.

"Now, believe it or not, I think I'm gonna need your help. See, back in my universe, there's this bad guy by the name of X-Man."

"Yes?" I asked.

"And he's a cancer. He needs to be killed. I've tried to kill him, oh how I've tried! But he beats me every single time. Last time we fought, I wound up in a hospital! A hospital! In a coma! And he's perfectly fine!" Jackknife threw his hands into the air angrily. I raised an eyebrow, undaunted.

"Listen, I need your help killing him. Will you do it?" he asked, his glowing red eyes staring directly into my green ones. Felt like he was staring straight at my soul…

"Why me though? Why not a trained killer, like Deadpool or even Punisher? I'm just a kid," I questioned him.

"You don't have a rep yet. You're a fresh face! You aren't likely to be judged! So will you do it?"

"Sure, why not. But only if I get paid," I answered.

"But of course. I wouldn't expect any person of your occupation to do a job for free."

"Great… Now can you let me out of this thing? It's starting to chafe my wrists and ankles." I motioned to the hand restraints that kept me strapped to the table.

He nodded, and with a wave of his hand, all the restraints creaked open, releasing me. I fell forward with a grunt and my hand dove into my pocket, coming up with a piece of paper.

Might as well see what else is on Deadpool's list…

Oh would you look at that!

**5. Team up with a psycho from another universe.**

I think Jackknife counts as a psycho…

_Me too, but are you sure it's wise to trust him?_

No idea.

Outside the padded room, Jackknife snickered then called out to me: "Hey kid, you coming?"

"Uh yeah," I answered uncertainly.

Oh god, this is gonna be weird.

_You said it._

Without another word, I walked out of the room and followed Jackknife. Hopefully not to my certain doom. Crap I forgot he was a telepath. Oh well.


	15. How I Almost Shot A Guy

Author's note: Okay, I know this is LOOOONNNNGG overdue, and super short, and I'm sooooo sorry about that! But I decided to write today cuz I had a bunch of free time, but I didn't know what to write about! So a dash of inspiration came to me while I was singing in the shower (don't judge me, it's perfectly normal), and voila! Here we are!

PS: I'd like to dedicate this chapter to JFK. If you don't know who he is, you're a terrible person, or possibly from a country other than the United States, which is cool, so it's all good.

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Chapter 15: How I Almost Shot A Guy

Here I was, laying on this grassy knoll, feeling like the guy who assassinated John F. Kennedy, my crosshairs aimed at my target's head, ready for a kill shot, when he turns and looks around. I was in a rather good hiding spot, I thought.

_You're not in a good hiding spot. Everyone can tell that this bush is fake just from the fact that it's the only piece of vegetation around! This knoll isn't even grassy! It's just dusty!_

Sheesh, somebody got up on the wrong side of the dirt mat this morning. Anywho, I may have forgotten that I'm supposed to be hunting a telepath soooo… Sing a song so he doesn't read my mind!

_You're ridiculous!_

If he kills me, you die too, remember?

_Ugh, you're right. ….I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world._

I kneeled down in my fake bush. (There's a lot of stuff in these pockets, who woulda guessed some of it would come in handy?) My rifle was steady on the ground, my target in sight.

_Life in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me anywhere, imagination, life is your creation! _

Does it seriously have to be that song?

**Come on Barbie, let's go party.**

Next thing I knew, X-Man was staring right at me, pinpointing my exact location. Fudge muffins. Now I have to run.

* * *

And here I am, running for my life, ever so gracefully, tripping over rocks and running like a maniac. Yep, just your average day in the life of me, Sophia Dyhar, AKA Knifepoint, AKA Deadpool's Apprentice. Well, not so average I guess. This is a little melancholy, actually. Where are the flying boulders I enjoy so much?

Right as I thought that, a giant boulder flew an inch from my face and landed directly in front of me.

_Ask and you shall receive!_

Very wise. I'll remember that next time.

I turned around and X-Man was hot on my trail. Snickerdoodles! What do I do?

_I dunno, reason with him? What I wanna know is why you keep saying random sweet treats._

Oh, I curse using the names of desserts.

_How adorable!_

Shut up.

_Don't you mean, CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES? Teehee, I'm going to have fun with this._

I've created a monster.

_Okay sugar cookie!_

I stopped in my tracks, and turned to face X-Man. He stopped suddenly and walked up to me. I dropped to my knees.

"Please don't kill me, Mr. X-Man! Jackknife is forcing me to do this because he hates you and has a grudge against me for accidentally using his name after saving a building from a bomb that he set up. It's all rather confusing. I really don't know what's going on at this point," I explained to him.

He smirked. "Your monologue with yourself is rather interesting, sugar cookie," he teased. "What do you want?"

"Oh great, you heard her. I really just want to get back to my home, on my earth," I replied. "I don't want the money Jackknife offered, I just want to get back to training with Deadpool. God knows what he's been up to while I've been gone… I want to see my brother again, even though he's a zombie now. An incredibly lame zombie which has no purpose in this story."

"Wait, story? Jackknife would send a crazy after me. I thought he was dead," X-Man said.

"No, he's very much alive. I don't know where he is at the moment, though. He's probably around here somewhere. And yes, this is a fanfic written by some teenager who is incredibly bored at the moment." I smiled. "You're welcome! Can you take me back home now?"

_That sounded wrong._

"Yes, yes it did." X-Man smirked again. "Yeah, sure, I'll get you back to your earth. Just take a sniff of this rag first though." He shoved a rag in my face.

"Hey, this smells funny.. Like, like chloroformmm—" I passed out.

* * *

Next thing I knew I was laying on Deadpool's living room coffee table.

"Hey! Took awhile! I've been looking for you forever!" Deadpool announced, leaping off of his chair, a bowl of popcorn flying through the air and scattering across the floor. "Popcorn?"

"No thanks, and I seriously doubt you were even looking for me, no offense," I said.

"Good, you're learning! Excellent, excellent," he tapped his fingers together evilly. "Now get into the kitchen and make me a sammich, woman!"

I rolled my eyes. He held a katana to my throat. I sighed.

"Fine. Hope you know the only kind of sandwich I make is PB&J," I said, resigned.

"Does that stand for pickles, beans, and jelly?"

"Um, no."

"Darn." Deadpool looked at the floor glumly.

It was good to be back.

* * *

Author's Endnote: Guys I need some feedback, and again I'm sorry it was so short. But hopefully there will be more this week! Also, I had writer's block for the past few months, although some of my classes are helping with that. Thank you though, guys! Seriously, I love you! I feel like this story has come so far, it-it-it just brings a tear of joy to my eye. *sniffle sniffle* *sniff sniff* crap, I smell chlorofoormm...*passes out*


	16. What, We're Not Crossing Universes?

Author's note: Yeaahhh so.. I'm sorry... It's been awhile... I hope this entertains you. Came up with this while having fever delusions and bein sick without sleep and shtuff. Here you go.

* * *

Chapter 16: What, We're Not Crossing Universes?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you... The FLASH!

_No we're not._

Wait, you mean we're not doing DC characters yet?

_Did you not hear what I just said?_

No. Please tell me again.

_Ugh, The Flash isn't in this chapter. Neither is Batman. Or Superman. Or a Yellow Lantern._

What about the Pink Lanterns?

_Are they DC?_

Um... No?

_Stop lying you duck!  
_

You're a peppermint candycane that's been sitting out for awhile.. Take that you fiend!

_Ouch, your insults hurt me so bad. However will I survive._

Your sarcasm is scathing.

_No offense but you're terrible at insulting people._

Thanks.

Here I was, laying on the couch, being bored while Deadpool was off doing something. I don't even know what he's up to, I think he said something about a bank earlier but I'm not entirely sure... And then he mentioned Deathstroke... Maybe that's why I'm obsessed with another universe today! It all makes sense now!

_Are you serious? NOTHING makes sense. I repeat, NOTHING. This is just some crazy fanfic turned crackfic written by a teenager who isn't even thinking about going into the writing field! Nothing ever makes sense in this story._

Fudge you!

_Haha here we go again with the candy cursewords, sugar cookie._

You're really annoying.

_Again, I'm just an extension of yourself. Therefore you have a problem with yourself. Therefore you have low self-esteem! I thought we already talked about this issue before! Gosh._

Sorrryyy.

I flipped through the channels to see what was on and something caught my eye. There was Deadpool standing in the middle of a barricade of cops thrusting a pair of panties in the air with one hand and holding a cherry blossom in the other, all the while laughing maniacally and hopping up and down. Very very odd... Oh crap! I just remembered he wanted me to finish that list by tomorrow!

_Yeah? That shouldn't be a problem for you._

Um yeah.. About that...

_BY ODIN'S BEARD, no you didn't!_

I seemed to have 'misplaced' the list..

_Master Pool is going to kill you. His groceries were on the back of that!_

I think I'm in trouble. I don't even remember how many tasks I've completed. But I'm not sure I want to become a master at them. Because then that would automatically mean a Taskmaster cameo, and since I've just mentioned it, it's inherently impossible. Yay paradoxes! I am Hungary.

_Maybe you should Czech the fridge._

I'm Russian to the kitchen!

_Any Turkey?_

Yeah, but it's covered in a layer of Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that.

_Any cheese?_

Yeah but it says "Nacho Cheese" and there's a sticky note on it that says 'You hear that Sophia? Not yo cheese, now get out of my fridge. 3 Deadpool'. I think that means I'm not supposed to eat it.

_Well then, you must know what time it is now, don't you?_

Adventure Time? WHERE'S FINN AND JAKE?

_Um.. No. Go get your taco, woman._

Excellent idea.

So I stumbled down the stairs because I'm clumsy and somehow found myself outside. Then I had an epiphany. If I had these awesome mutant genes, why couldn't I use them to benefit myself, and, inherently, Deadpool? Afterall, Batman isn't inherently good, why should Anti-heroes be inherently neutral? To the Taco Stand!

"Awaaayyyyy!" I shouted as I pointed my right index finger to the sky and ran towards the taco stand rather stupidly. I say this because I was still kinda messed up from that trip to see X-Man and my balance was waaayyy more off than usual. Everyone on the sidewalk was staring at me like I was a pariah. I sidled up next to the taco cart and-

_You have such good vocabulary. You act like you're going to get an award for doing this and it's rather entertaining._

Don't you dare try to crush my dreams! You.. You... Dream killer!

_Ouch, that cut deep. I'm so hurt. How will I ever go on?_

Stop it with your sarcasm!

Okay, the taco guy was staring at me even worse than the others were. I think I can do this.

"Excuse me sir," I said, "would you mind telling me what color my eyes are?" I turned on the charm by glowing green.. Yeah, forgot I could do that, huh audience? Bringin it back into the storyline, ohhh yeeauuhhh.

"Um, I think.. Greeeennnnn.." His face went mindlessly blank as he stared into my luxurious green eyes glowing like the fervent imagination of a paranoid schizophrenic. Now is my chance!

I waved my hand in front of his face. "You will give me one taco for freeeeee." I said, coating my voice like velvet.

"I'm.. I'm afraid I can't do that ma'am, you're going to have to pay.."

Cupcakes! That sucks. One more thing to try..

"No I don't, I'm your most favorite customer and I earned a free tacooo.." Voice like a silk charmer, oh so smooth.

_It's not that impressive.._

Shhhhh...

"Yes you have earned your free taco! What a wonderful customer!" The taco vendor reached into his cart and pulled out a taco just the way I like it. "Taco for the best customer!"

"Oh why thank you!" I gushed. "I'm so honored!"

"You deserve it! Now get outta here, no need to draw a crowd!" He shooed me away. I couldn't complain. I gots me a taco!

_You're welcome._

Thank you for this lovely idea, inner voice.

_There we go, that's more like it._

Hmmm we should probably do something for Deadpool to make up for losing the list...

_Present?_

I kinda just want to get him a super awesome churro with hot fudge and a bunch of other stuff on it.

I sat down on a bench next to a pregnant woman. Being the polite person I am, I decided to talk to her. She looked lonely. Most pregnant women do when not around their husbands. Sad reality.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" I asked very politely.

"Oh it doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy," the woman cooed.

"Really? Because I don't feel that those things are related at all, it's an either or question."

_OH JEEZE, why did you say THAT?_

Kinda slipped out..

"As long as it's healthy, we'll be happy. Hmmmm" She cooed again.

"Have you even found out the gender yet?"

"Oh, we know, but we're not telling." Again, a coo was uttered.

"Have you picked out a name?"

"Oh, we know, but we're not telling." insert coo here

"Well it's been real nice talking to you, have a nice day.." I said, politely.

"Everything's so trivial now that I'm pregnant, hmmmm goodbyyyeee." Another frickin coo!

A thought just occurred to me as I walked away from this...odd woman.

_And what, pray tell, might that be?_

Pregnant women are smug. To the grocery store!

"Awwaaayyyyy!" I pointed my finger skyward once more and galloped away like a stallion.

* * *

Endnote: Go listen to the song 'Pregnant Women Are Smug' by Garfunkel and Oates, it's hilarious and where I stole this last dialogue from. I'm sorry but I couldn't help myself! :(


End file.
